You’re at lunch or in a bar with an HIV negative friend, when he or she asks: “Last night I was doing ___ with ___, and (he/she/it) put (his/her/its/my) ___ in (my/its/her/his) ___ —not something I usually do, but, hey, I was (drunk/crazy/on TV) at the time. Do you think I may have HIV?”

If you’re like me, you sigh, patiently explain how HIV is transmitted and suggest that the inquisitor (have an HIV test/wear a condom next time/join the 21st century). Next time, send your friend to www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/ SafeSex/index.html (case sensitive). The Body’s “Ask the Experts” safer-sex forum fields hundreds of questions like this every day with humor and hard facts.

The long-suffering gurus have tackled: Can I get it from nibbling my boyfriend’s ear? (No.) From touching a transsexual’s genitals? (No.) Despite testing negative for HIV multiple times since receiving oral sex from a prostitute 10 years ago, do I have AIDS? (Relax.) Might the creamy pasta sauce at my local restaurant have semen in it? (We’re not making this up.) The other forums—on HIV treatment, OIs and side effects—aren’t quite as entertaining, but the experts apply equal tact and grace.