May #101 : The 10 Wackiest AIDS “Cures" - by Derek Thaczuk

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May 2004

The 10 Wackiest AIDS “Cures"

by Derek Thaczuk

Derek Thaczuk deals with a deck of dubious debuggers

10 The “AIDS Treating Machine” (from T&T Medical Products). Contents: “Solution A, with H2O and NaCl.” We’re talking salt water, sister. Save it for the capellini.

9 The “Zapper” (from Bob Beck, self-proclaimed “doctor of the future”). This gizmo claimed to electrocute HIV and other pesky viruses.

8 Hyperthermia. In 1990, PWAs maxed-out credit cards for pricey stays in foreign clinics where the blood was taken from their bodies, heated and returned, presumably HIV free.

7 In Africa the myth that sex with virgins cures AIDS causes a rash of rapes.

6 “Plasma Plus.” This potion’s peddler was busted in Vegas for fraud.

5 “Immunostim” claimed to cure not just AIDS but cancer. Contents: a compound akin to (we kid you not) toilet bowl cleaner.

4 “OvImmune” was made of powdered eggs from vaccinated chickens. Yolk’s on you.

3 Three-Herb Miracle Cure dot-com. This one sprouted on the World Wide Wed in 1996. A court order swiftly nipped it in the bud.

2 HIV positive South African grave robbers brewed tea from an apartheid official’s skeleton convinced it would cure. Kettle’s on.

1 The undisputed No. 1, from an anonymous tip to the AIDS Committee of Toronto: masturbating onto tomatoes. We’re not sure how it works, but you’ll never look at ketchup the same way again.

AIDS and health-care fraud are no joke. Check out www.healthfraud.org and www.quackwatch.org.




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