November #29 : Suicide Watch - by Andrew Balkin

POZ - Health, Life and HIV
Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:

Back to home » Archives » POZ Magazine issues




Table of Contents

Elizabeth Taylor Tells the Truth

S.O.S.

Letters to the Editor-November 1997

The Last Auction Hero

Suicide Ride

Twisted Sisters

Kiss Hysteria

French Toast

Code Blue

Coffee Talk

A Spot of Pot

Shalala Infections

Child’s Play

Hurray for Hollywood!

Say What - November 1997

Obituaries - November 1997

Tribute - Nigel Finch

True Brit

Baste Not, Want Not

Suicide Watch

Passage From India



Most Popular Lessons

The HIV Life Cycle

Shingles

Herpes Simplex Virus

Syphilis & Neurosyphilis

Treatments for Opportunistic Infections (OIs)

What is AIDS & HIV?

Hepatitis & HIV


email print

November 1997

Suicide Watch

by Andrew Balkin

Marcus Wayland gives Sylvia Plath a run for her money

Forget slashing your wrists or jumping off a bridge: Artist cum-singer Marcus Wayland says AIDS is the perfect suicide. After a decade of infection, Wayland maintains that AIDS is a viable alternative to a mouthful of pills or a head in the oven.

“It gives you time to stop being false, strip away all the shit and appreciate things,” Wayland says. “It’s a really thoughtful time.”

After 33 years of sex, drugs and–not rock ‘n’ roll—punk, Wayland has a lot to think about. He grew up gay in the small and small-minded community of Cambridgeshire. “I felt like one of those biblical characters who is stoned out of the village,” he says. “I spent the first 16 years of my life having to censor everything I did.”

Only in public. The private Wayland was an early starter, and by the time he attended art college in the seaside city of Brighton, he had many notches on his bedpost.

At school, Wayland met other gay people and slowly began shedding his country-boy insecurities. “I spent my teens having sex,” he says. “Somehow, the only thing I got at the time was the clap.”

This was the early ‘80s and AIDS awareness was increasing, but for Wayland it was sex s usual, safe or not. As a result, he was surprised when his first HIV test came back negative. “That made me think it was all bullshit,” he says. “There I was having unsafe sex all through my teens and I was negative.”

Safe sex proved to be problematic for Wayland. “It was difficult for me to make the transition from unsafe to safer sex,” he says. “I thought it could never happen to me, and then I went through the ‘I don’t care if it does’ stage.”

It did, and he doesn’t.

“I don’t know who I contracted HIV from and I don’t dwell on it,” he says matter-of-factly. Adding, “and it would have been a while before I realized I was positive, so I don’t know if I passed it on to anyone.”

So what does the man who espouses AIDS as a form of suicide think about medication? He watched his uncle, an early AZT monotherapy patient, die slowly and painfully, but last year, after weeks of persuasion on the part of a close friend, Wayland started a triple-combination therapy that includes Crixivan. The resulting viral-load dive bomb and CD4-cell surge have caused Wayland to reassess his suicide theory. “If they’ve got this far with protease inhibitors, then maybe they can find a cure,” he says, stressing that longevity has never been his goal. “A long life is not important to me. What is important is getting to the root of what is torturing me.”


Scroll down to comment on this story.





Name:

(will display; 2-50 characters)

Email:

(will NOT display)

City:

(will display; optional)

Comment (500 characters left):

(Note: The POZ team reviews all comments before they are posted. Please do not include either ":" or "@" in your comment. The opinions expressed by people providing comments are theirs alone. They do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Smart + Strong, which is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by people providing comments.)

Comments require captcha.
Please enter this number for verification:

| Posting Rules



Show comments (0 total)

 
[Go to top]

Join POZ Facebook Twitter Google+ MySpace YouTube Tumblr Flickr
Quick Links
Current Issue

HIV Testing
Safer Sex
Find a Date
Newly Diagnosed
HIV 101
Disclosing Your Status
Starting Treatment
Help Paying for Meds
Search for the Cure
POZ Stories
POZ Opinion
POZ Exclusives
Read the Blogs
Visit the Forums
Job Listings
Events Calendar


    charliehunter
    San Francisco
    California


    Poz_Qt
    Columbus
    Ohio


    cortaza100
    Oakland
    California


    robert12
    Queens
    New York
Click here to join POZ Personals!
Ask POZ Pharmacist

Talk to Us
Poll
Is HIV/AIDS adequately portrayed in pop culture?
Yes
No

Survey
Pop Watch

more surveys
Contact Us
We welcome your comments!
[ about Smart + Strong | about POZ | POZ advisory board | partner links | advertising policy | advertise/contact us | site map]
© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved. Terms of use and Your privacy.
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.