August #26 : S.O.S. - by Sean Strub

POZ - Health, Life and HIV
Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:

Back to home » Archives » POZ Magazine issues




Table of Contents

Cyndi Potete's Fire and Rain

Good Morning, Nashville

Loving Las Vegas

Down and Out, in Nashville

Out Out Damned Spot

You've Got the Power...If You Use It

POZ Picks

Lovable Bugs

Those Darned Free Radicals

Good Taste Restored

Treating off the Beaten Path

Not Dead Yet

Terms of Enrollment

Viva la Vagina

S.O.S.

Married With Children

Buyers Clubs Near and Far

Working Girls

The View From Here

Don't Adjust Your Set

Good Clean Fun



Most Popular Lessons

The HIV Life Cycle

Shingles

Herpes Simplex Virus

Syphilis & Neurosyphilis

Treatments for Opportunistic Infections (OIs)

What is AIDS & HIV?

Hepatitis & HIV


email print

August 1997

S.O.S.

by Sean Strub

Survival has its advantages, but what obligations does "new" life bring?

It's now been a year since the disappearance of my viral load and the unexpected return of my energy, sense of well-being and confidence in my future. And it has been a most extraordinary year. I'm grateful, to be sure. But I'm also fascinated by the vagaries of fate.

When I found out I had HIV, I never questioned why I got it. I never wondered who "gave" it to me and I never stopped to ask, "Why me?" It just happened, and that was that. Now that I've been granted an extension of my lease on life (which, like all New York City lease extensions, comes with a hefty rent increase, this one measured in drug costs), I have found myself asking these big questions. Why me? Why have these treatments worked so well in my sick body and so poorly in the bodies of others? Why was I given this extra time, while Robert Woolley, Connie Norman, Tom Stoddard and other friends who died in the past year were not? Survival clearly has its advantages, but doesn't it impose new obligations as well?

To bear witness; live for the moment; create a meaningful legacy, or what? I would be arrogant to be ungrateful for renewed life, but I miss the lack of expectations and, often, lack of judgment others grant the dying. I feel renewed and I enjoy -- with a childlike exuberance -- revisiting places, experiences and sensations I thought were forever part of my past. I appreciate life even more and am humbled by my own inexplicable survival. But sometimes I feel reluctant to assume an implied responsibility to accomplish something more important or different with my "found" time, a politically correct survival, if you will. I can't live my life -- even my "new" life -- mired solely in obligation and gratitude. Survivors or not, we're all a mixture of human strength and frailty, good and evil.

At its inception, POZ was often accused of cruelly dangling the unrealistic prospect of survival before the desperate eyes of doomed, terminally ill souls certain to die horrific deaths. Now that some measure of survival is available to many people with HIV, don't be surprised if POZ is soon accused of becoming a belligerent, self-centered voice for the ungrateful. Enjoy POZ and enjoy your survival. Every day.




[Go to top]

Join POZ Facebook Twitter Google+ MySpace YouTube Tumblr Flickr
Quick Links
Current Issue

HIV 101
HIV Testing
Safer Sex
Find a Date
Newly Diagnosed
Disclosing Your Status
Starting Treatment
Search for the Cure
POZ Stories
POZ TV
Read the Blogs
Visit the Forums
Women
African American
Latino
Providers
Job Listings
Events Calendar


    fokisi
    Long Beach
    California


    july8th69
    brooklyn
    New York


    max38man
    Chicago
    Illinois


    robert12
    Queens
    New York
Click here to join POZ Personals!
Ask POZ Pharmacist

Talk to Us
Poll
Do you enjoy books with HIV-positive characters?
Yes
No

Survey
Mind Matters

more surveys
Contact Us
We welcome your comments!
[ about Smart + Strong | about POZ | POZ advisory board | partner links | advertising policy | advertise/contact us | site map]
© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved. Terms of use and Your privacy.
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.