Evel Dick Donato VH1 Couples Therapy
Left to right: On ’Couples Therapy With Dr. Jenn,’ Evel Dick Donato,
Dr. Mike and Bob Bowers discuss HIV and dating.

Everyone loves to hate “Evel Dick” Donato, but even this bad boy has a soft spot for love and romance. Best known for winning Big Brother 8—and being voted one of reality TV’s most notorious villains—Donato recently returned to reality-show cameras for VH1’s Couples Therapy With Dr. Jenn, where he and former girlfriend Stephanie Rogness-Fischer tried, and failed, to reconcile. While on the show, Evel Dick disclosed to the world that he is HIV positive. At the time, he assumed the diagnosis and breakup meant his love life was over. But as he tells POZ in this Valentine’s Day special, Cupid had other plans.

You have a one-of-a-kind diagnosis story. You found out your status in 2011 when you were filming your return to a new season of Big Brother.

Right. I was getting ready for a confessional. They pulled me through a side door and said, “We need to talk.” And I had a talk with the show doctor who gives you all the tests you take before you go into the house—all the drug tests and STD tests. I had been tested on season 8, and I was negative then. He tells me that they got back one test that said I’m negative and one that says I’m positive. They wanted to take more blood and retest. So they took more blood, and for six hours after I disappeared out of the house, I’m stuck in a green room without a television. I’m just kind of going nuts in my head. He comes back tells me that the test came back positive, that it’s not the death sentence it used to be, blah blah blah, and if you need any help, give me a call.

So you left the show without explaining why. Eventually, what happened between you and Stephanie?

I was concerned for me but also about my girlfriend. I remember saying in my mind that I’m not ready to break up with her, I’m still in love with her. And then I have to live with the fact that I might have infected her. The first night I went over to my mom’s house and told her [about my status], and she was totally supportive. It was a good first person to talk to. I got on a plane the next morning and went to Denver and met Stephanie. This talk went nothing like I thought it would. She was so extremely supportive. It really surprised me. She was like, “If I’m infected, then we’ll both do this together. We’ll get through this.” Then I didn’t tell anyone else for almost three years.

She tested negative. And after a few years you two broke up. On Couples Therapy, when you were trying to reconcile, you said that you might have stayed in the relationship longer than you should have. Did HIV play a role in that?

I thought it was the last relationship of my life. Trust me, I never call myself a celebrity, but I’m very well known. So how am I supposed to date? I’m supposed to go to whomever and ask them out and then when things progress to sleeping together, I’m supposed to [disclose my status and] trust them with this info? What if the relationship doesn’t go well? Nobody can keep a secret. It would have been out there [in the public] in no time. So I just resigned myself that after this relationship, that was going to be it. So I stayed in the relationship longer than I should have. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t try—I tried hard to make it work.

You disclosed your status on Couples Therapy. How has public disclosure affected your life?

It has really made things a lot less stressful. There aren’t many points in your life where you know ahead of time “this is the day and the date that my life will change forever,” like when that episode dropped. It was supposed to be followed by People magazine. But I woke up one morning and saw like 200 messages on my phone, and it was like “HIV, People magazine,” and I’m like, “Holy shit, this was supposed to go out tomorrow; the episode is tonight.” So I text [my contact at] VH1 and asked what happened, and he’s like, “Oh I’m sorry, we decided that with George Clooney’s wedding pictures coming out in the issue, we figured it’d get more hits and bring more people to the show. I’m really sorry, I meant to send you an email.” I’m like, motherfucker, this is my life, bitch. Don’t give me this bullshit that you’re busy. This is why I have my attitude toward network people.

How has the public responded?

To give you an idea of the scale, I’m very active on Twitter with my fans. I get so many douchebag haters that I literally have like 10,000 to 15,000 people blocked. On a good night, I’ll block five to 10 people. On a normal night, it’s one or two. Since this whole HIV thing has dropped, I literally blocked maybe three people in [the first] six weeks. Every single comment has been so supportive. And on Facebook, they’re all telling me their stories. The Couples Therapy cast was unbelievably supportive. Two people on the crew said they got tested. Jenna Jameson [the porn star, who was on the same season] is one of my biggest supporters.

Bob Bowers Evel Dick Couples Therapy
On ’Couples Therapy,’ Bob Bowers (pictured) advises Evel Dick Donato that sex
and romance don’t have to end because you test HIV positive.

Has your disclosure affected your dating life?

Obviously, things have changed. I don’t have to worry about asking somebody on a date and telling her about my status, and then her getting all pissy with me if I don’t call her one day and then she tells TMZ [about my status].

Aside from disclosure issues, has HIV affect your dating life?

I was diagnosed before Obamacare. Then, if you had a little bit of money but no health insurance, you were fucked. They waited till you were financially ruined, and then there was [financial help through] Ryan White or ADAP [the AIDS Drug Assistance Program]. Which is exactly what happened to me. It was hard and put a lot of stress on my relationship. But treatment has been great for me. Within months I was undetectable and have been undetectable ever since.

Which of course significantly lowers your chance of passing along the virus. Have you dated anyone since Stephanie?

[Before the Couples Therapy episode aired] I met this girl. I was hoping she would find out about my HIV by watching the show. But she wanted to have sex and was pushing it, so I had the talk with her. And she was all right with it, and we had sex that night—with a condom. But it was surprising to me.

Did anything else help change your attitude about dating?

On an episode, they brought in Bob Bowers to talk to me because I never even spoke to anyone who was HIV positive. [Editor’s note: Bowers, a.k.a., One Tough Pirate, is a heterosexual activist who has been on the cover of POZ. You can watch Bowers and Donato in this Couples Therapy clip.] It was one of the things that VH1 did that had a positive effect for me. He told me, “Dude, it’s not the end. I’m having the best sex of my life. Just because you’re positive doesn’t mean that part of your life is over.” He was really reassuring and a really nice guy. He helped changed my mindset about what my future could possibly be. Let me tell you, it is not easy to come to terms with the fact that romantic relationships and sex—that that part of your life is over.

But Stephanie and you were together after your diagnosis. Wasn’t that proof that HIV didn’t necessarily kill love and sex?

The last two years of our relationship, we never had sex.

Because of HIV?

I don’t know. It’d come up, and she’s be like, “You never initiate.” And I’d be like, “You’re the one who has to be comfortable. You have to let me know.” And it just never happened, and I was like, OK, it is what it is. I still have a partner and still lover her. Just because you’re not having sex doesn’t mean you don’t love someone and have a relationship. There are other things outside the bedroom that make a relationship.

But now sex and romance are on the table again?

I can’t even begin to tell you how many women are hitting on me now. It’s ridiculous. I did meet a girl who came out here, so I’m dating someone else. So this is great. It’s so different from what I ever would have thought.

Finally, any love advice for our readers?

Now that everybody knows my status, it has made life so much easier. It has helped me in ways I never could have imaged. And I’m free to date again and to talk openly. Feeling like a pariah feels so stupid. I’m really glad I went public, and I would encourage anyone thinking about it to go ahead and do it. People are a lot more understanding than you think.