Kailua Kona, Hawaii
Positive since 1994

I came out in 1976 as two-spirited. I was a shy, skinny, innocent, Apache/Mexican mix. I was like a lot of other gay man back then; I had lots of sex partners.

Nothing changed until 1994. I tried dealing with my HIV status, telling sex partners and looking for a stable relationship. But I knew the meds were killing the men who were HIV positive. So I said “screw it.” I refused to go on medication.

I wasn’t worried. I was healthy. I exercised. I ran seven miles daily and didn’t drink much. I even cooled my jets on having sex for three years. My close friends who knew me and my status supported me. But I became lazy and depressed and went through a reckless period when I had all the unprotected sex that I could find. I was trying everything I had read about. I figured it would kill me, and I was ready to give up!

Then it happened. I met someone who I thought was my life partner. But the relationship only lasted five years because of abuse, drugs and lies. When it was over, I moved on. I lived by myself, still in denial. I continued to have unprotected sex and realized I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I’d meet people and tell them my status, and either they would leave or they would want to have group sex.

It took me five more years before I found my husband, who I’m still with now. It took nine years for me to start my HIV meds. We still keep my HIV a secret from his family and mine. We just don’t want the hassle life serves you sometimes. My family is already mad at me because I moved so far away, from Colorado to Hawaii, for a better life with my husband.

We were married in February of this year. I always wanted that storybook life—probably because I didn’t have it as a kid. I grew up in a blue-collar family where money was tight all the time, but we had clean clothes, food in our stomachs and of course God. I always wanted a better life, to forget where I came from. Living in Hawaii is kind of how I grew up: We work hard, pinch pennies, live simply. My husband came from almost the same dynamics, from a blue-collar Polish family.

Can we say we are happy here? Sometimes. Do we love each other? Yes. We had a simple wedding with just a judge and a photographer. We had money put aside for a party, but as bad luck would have it, someone poisoned our dog. After the vet bills and cremation, we had nothing left. So life just went on.

Being on Complera has changed my health. But my decision not to go on HIV meds earlier has taken a toll on me. I take lots of other medications daily: meds for diabetes, heart problems, eyes, rashes. It’s a production every morning. And I have to eat at least 400 calories with the HIV meds. I also take an ADD med, testosterone and Vitamin D. And I get regular exercise.

I’m sitting here writing this early in the morning because I couldn’t sleep anymore. It’s quiet in the house; the dogs and my husband are still asleep. I’ve wanted to share my story for a while and today seemed a good day to do it.

When people read this, I hope it helps them to see medication is important. So are a loving life and learning you have to be responsible for your own actions. Do I want a do-over? No way. Because without any of the falling down and getting back up, I wouldn’t have had to find the solutions. I like to learn new things, even if I have to struggle.

I would say that when something like HIV takes control of your life, having someone to share it with it makes it easier. Also, if you have family and friends, you have a great life.

What three adjectives best describe you?
Determined, accomplished and creative

What is your greatest achievement?
Owning a painting that is part of a multimillion-dollar collection

What is your greatest regret?
Not socking away more money for a better retirement for my husband and myself

What keeps you up at night?
Funny, I like to think it’s the meds. But it’s worrying about my husband and the dogs!

If you could change one thing about living with HIV, what would it be?
How it affects all the other diseases in your body

What is the best advice you ever received?
"Not my circus, not my monkey.” That’s an old Polish proverb. My husband says it when he is tired of me bringing my work home with me. He says it is hurting me and is unhealthy!

What person in the HIV/AIDS community do you most admire?
Dr. Drew Kovach and Dr. Robert J. Maytas. They convinced me to start medication after living with HIV for 19 years. I’m undetectable, but the HIV has accelerated other diseases in my body.

What drives you to do what you do?
First my husband. Then I must say I love my job. Without the two of these, I wouldn’t be living in Hawaii.

What is your motto?
If you don’t live for something, you’ll die for nothing.

If you had to evacuate your house immediately, what is the one thing you would grab on the way out?
My husband and my dogs

If you could be any animal, what would you be? And why?
A dog at my house. I’d get to sleep on the bed with two handsome men. I’d get my tummy rubbed. I’d take a dirt bath. I’d get treats and hugs and kisses daily.