Greetings, fellow walking miracles! In my last column, I provided
some background information about Lazarus, the Biblical character
whom Jesus raised from the dead in 33 AD. I've been "resurrected" on
protease inhibitors for more than a year now, and the world seems to
only get stranger the longer I'm around. I've been reading more
about Lazarus' story to find out how he coped, but apart from
a few folk myths, some obscure literary references, a poem by Sylvia
Plath and a Eugene O'Neill play called Lazarus Laughed (and
why wouldn't he?), there's not a lot to go on.
The Bible makes clear an important distinction between Lazarus
and me: When he was raised from the grave, he was cured of whatever
it was that had killed him. That is, Lazarus was completely free of
disease. We know this because not long after his resurrection he was
invited to dinner with Jesus and the rest of the faithful -- an
invitation that, under Jewish law, wouldn't have been extended if
Lazarus was thought to be "unclean" in any way.
By contrast, I went to dinner with some friends the other night
and had to bring a pillbox, a timer, a couple of Marinol, a bottle
of grapefruit juice (to boost the saquinavir), prescription Imodium
and an extra pair of clean undershorts. I doubt that Lazarus needed
as many loincloths as I do jockey shorts. It's been six months since
I've allowed myself to be more than 20 feet from the john. In fact,
I propose we start a real smear campaign: When ACT UP does another
demo against the drug companies, let's skip the buckets of fake
blood and instead toss our dirty laundry on their doorsteps.
Some other things I'll bet Lazarus never had to deal with:
Keeping a positive attitude. Since Lazarus was plainly
alive and well upon rising from the dead, he could afford to have
any attitude he chose: Grateful, bewildered, angry, hysterical,
stupefied, casual, irreverent -- you name it. Either way, he was out
of the woods. I, on the other hand, am told by everyone from
Elizabeth Taylor to the corner gas-station attendant that I must
have a positive attitude, live each day as it comes and remember
that if I slip into "negativity" for a single moment, dire
consequences will follow.
Well, I don't buy it. Mortal illness is not a reflection
of your character. I've seen men and women who were angels in life
depart this world kicking and screaming, and I've seen odious people
with horrible politics go out like Little Nell. I myself was
supposed to have been dead a long time ago, and now look at me,
dashing off columns in the full flush of middle age. I'd revise the
"Keep a positive attitude" advice to "Keep all the attitude you've
got. You'll need it."
Support-group facilitators. According to the New
Testament, Jesus raised only one other person from the dead besides
Lazarus -- a child somewhere in Galilee. Since that's not quite
enough people to form a support group, Lazarus was spared a swarm of
eager Galileans armed with MSWs and ready to misinterpret his
emotions, challenge his conclusions and limit him to "I" statements.
Political correctness. There was only one correct point of
view in Lazarus's time: The rule of the Roman Empire. Anything that
ran counter to that counted as sedition and got your ass strung up
on a cross. Nowadays, though, especially in the world of AIDS, you
can't open your mouth without offending some "underrepresented"
special interest: For all I know, you can get yourself stoned to
death by Native-American chubby-chasers simply for muttering, "Oh,
to hell with it -- cut to the chase!" at a Ryan White Title II
meeting. I can't help feeling it must have been easier to deal with
the Roman legions than, say, a troop of ACT UP lesbians who persist
in interpreting every casual statement as a political affront. (I'm
changing the locks on my door as I write this.)
False hope. We can safely assume that once you've been
raised from the dead by the Son of God, your troubles are over. I
mean, you can't develop cross-resistance to the Holy Ghost. But
those of us in a lower, less perfect state of resurrection still
need to worry about the twists and turns of fate, the wiliness of
the virus, the intransigence of the medical establishment and the
vindictive whims of Congress.