I’m an HIV-positive man; my boyfriend is negative. I have a lot of precum, so he gags when performing oral sex, and we have to stop. I lose my erection, but my boyfriend wants to continue—so I play along to help him get off. However, he doesn’t try to help me. I feel used and cheap. Help?
By consistently “playing along,” you have perhaps forgotten your personal needs. Have you spoken to him? A good partner doesn’t want the person he cares about feeling “used and cheap.” Maybe by talking to him, you’ll hear that your partner wants to please you—but doesn’t know how. One option to discuss: condoms during oral sex. This might eliminate the precum problem, reduce the risk of transmission to your negative partner and allow him to please you in a way that is pleasurable for him. (Think: mint flavored or cherry?) As for increasing your own pleasure—what does help you maintain an erection? Erotic flicks? Sex toys? Suggest how your partner can include these practices into your sex life so you can sit back and enjoy too.
Logan Levkoff holds an MS degree in Human Sexuality Education and contributes sexual advice for the likes of MTV, Oprah and Cosmopolitan. Have a question? E-mail sexpert@POZ.com.