San Juan, Puerto Rico
Positive since 2000

I’ve been living with HIV for 14 years now. Looking back from the moment I read my blood test until now, the diagnosis has been a blessing and also a curse. At the moment, I thought that my life was over. I thought that I had little time to live and that all my dreams had been shattered. Guess again: I just hurried up with my plans and really started living.

I decided I was going to spend more time with my family, and I have. I decided I was going to buy a house and a new car, and I did. I decided I was going to finish my studies, and since then I have finished a master’s and am now doing my doctoral dissertation.

I also wanted to experience love again—a forever love. This hasn’t worked out for me yet. But I continue to try.

The only person who knows about my status is a straight female co-worker and friend who I’ve known for many years. She was the first person I encountered that day and she has kept my secret ever since.

Many might think, “Why doesn’t he come out and tell others?” It’s not an easy thing to do, especially when you notice that there is still such a stigma about people who are positive. I’ve learned to live with this secret, and until writing this, I have.

I haven’t suffered much. Sometimes I forget I have HIV until I have an appointment with my doctor to get my meds, or when I’m putting on a T-shirt and my small buffalo hump shows. Thank God it’s only that. I’ve learned to disguise it and hopefully will get rid of it when I have enough money.

I still enjoy life and hope to experience many new things. I stopped feeling sorry for myself three days after I was diagnosed. HIV is not going to destroy me. I’m still hoping someday to hear the news that they have found the cure for HIV—that’s going to be the happiest day of my life. I don’t know if the struggles of this illness will disappear at that moment, but I assure you that I will do everything I can to forget it happened.

Until then, I will continue fighting and enjoying life. HIV is not a death sentence. It’s a beginning of a new life.

What three adjectives best describe you?
Fighter, hopeful, happy

What is your greatest achievement?
I’ve changed my life for the better.

What is your greatest regret?
I think I regret living life too fast and not thinking about the consequences I would have to pay.

What keeps you up at night?
Thank God, nothing. I am content with myself and sleep a lot, actually.

If you could change one thing about living with HIV, what would it be?
I’d say that the one thing I’d change would be the ignorance people still have today about this illness. And also the side effects of medications, which make our status more obvious.

What is the best advice you ever received?
Everything my mother has told me throughout my life has been the best advice I have gotten.

What person in the HIV/AIDS community do you most admire?
I admire people that have the strength not only to come out with their status, but to live with it. It’s not easy, and it takes a very strong person not to crumble.

What drives you to do what you do?
I’ve been thinking lately about an existential question: What is my purpose in life? I’m taking care of myself so that I can find out.

What is your motto?
The only thing that can stop me is death. And for now, that’s very far away.

If you had to evacuate your house immediately, what is the one thing you would grab on the way out?
My dog. He has heard all my complaints and has seen me cry when I felt down. I think God gave him to me to serve as my companion in life. It would definitely be him. I love him.

If you could be any animal, what would you be? And why?
This is a difficult question. I think I would be a panther, because they always fight until the end