Exer-cycle: A galley slave on a cruise to nowhere.

The diving board is more frightening than the dive.

The fat fan despises the athlete for coming in second.

The more you climb the hill, the smaller it gets.

The puzzled child asks who won the ballet.

Baseball and Academy Award trivia experts seldom coincide.

The bad loser sees his loss as a preview of Destiny.

The football star praised for being aggressive beats his wife.

Ambition is a high-speed jump rope -- constantly leap or lose.

God's matching grant: You exercise, He gives you health.

Life is an endless gym class with involuntary perfect attendance.