Kansas City, Missouri
Positive since 2004

I found out I was HIV positive 10 years ago. I wasn’t always having safe sex, but I was scared to death of getting HIV. It was my biggest fear.

It took me a few years to fully analyze why I put myself at risk. Growing up, my mother destroyed any self worth I ever had. The only discussion I ever had with her about HIV was when I told her I might be positive. She said, “That’s what happens when you lead that lifestyle” (referring to the fact I am gay). The one time in my life I needed love and support from my mother, she let me down. I realized a few years after my diagnosis that I am a grown adult and it’s up to me make the best of the situation.

Today I am very healthy and undetectable and my self-confidence and self-esteem are much better. I present myself in a very open and honest manner when it comes to online dating, etc. I feel it is important for everyone to stand up and not be ashamed of having HIV.

The gay community has a lot to learn about tolerance. I have met guys who are HIV negative (such as my ex) who were 100 percent okay with my HIV positive status. I have tried to talk to other HIV-negative guys who won’t even respond to me, let alone date me or have casual sex.

One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with is if things were different, and I was HIV negative, would I be willing to date an HIV-positive guy? I honestly don’t know and that’s a hard pill to swallow. I can’t truly judge anyone else’s opinion about me if I don’t know how I would react in their shoes.

I enjoy the fact that being open and honest allows me to teach others about HIV and set an example of someone who has no shame and isn’t hiding anything. I live in Kansas City and it seems that HIV is not discussed very openly within the community or the gay community. There are organizations and support groups and health care facilities that help tremendously, but I would personally love to see more HIV-positive people be open about their status and really show the world how many of us there are. Perhaps it would change the perception of what an HIV-positive person looks like. The word “clean” is often used to describe a person who is disease- and drug- free. That can be very offensive.

I have always fought and will continue to fight this disease to the best of my abilities. I have my strong days and I have my weak days. But I refuse to let HIV define me or prohibit me from having a happy life. I hope one day I can be a better advocate on a larger scale and spread the word about HIV awareness and how to live a healthy happy life with the disease.

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had not contracted this disease. Would I be as healthy, strong and brave? Would I appreciate life to its fullest? I believe everything happens for a reason.

I recently watched the HBO movie “The Normal Heart” and it completely drained me emotionally. My best friend asked me why I would watch it knowing it would probably have that effect. I told him I hoped it would change me in someway.

I count my blessings that I did not live through that awful time. I have the ability to be healthy and strong now. Back then, people were not as fortunate. I worry that HIV-negative gay men may not fully comprehend what it’s like to live with HIV today and old fears and stigma will come back and make it harder on us.

All I can do is keep doing what I have been doing and hopefully influence others. But all HIV-positive people need to unite and show a strong front. Stop hiding! You are not doing anyone or yourself any good. Stop making excuses. You have a obligation ethically and sometimes legally to let others know that you have this disease. But remember, HIV doesn’t define you.

We owe it to the future of people living HIV to help rid the intolerance. We are not out of the woods yet and who knows what the future holds. Things could get better or they could get worse. Be positive, but be realistic. Have the right attitude, but don’t fool yourself. I hope my story helps someone out there.

What three adjectives best describe you?
Kind, loyal and brave

What is your greatest achievement?
My career

What is your greatest regret?
Not telling myself I was OK when I first realized I was gay

What keeps you up at night?
Nothing...

If you could change one thing about living with HIV, what would it be?
The stigma from HIV-negative men

What is the best advice you ever received?
Just be 100 percent yourself. It’s the only true way to happiness and discovering what makes you beautiful.

What person in the HIV/AIDS community do you most admire?
Unfortunately no one comes to mind. We need more role models.

What drives you to do what you do?
The knowledge that happiness is real and it exists. I’m on a journey to discover it and no one can take me off that journey.

What is your motto?
Ten percent of life is what happens to me and the other 90 percent is my attitude.

If you had to evacuate your house immediately, what is the one thing you would grab on the way out?
My cat

If you could be any animal, what would you be? And why?
A dog. They bring so much joy to people.