I am MK. I started posting videos on Xtube (a Netherlands-based pornographic-video-hosting service) in 2011. People from all over have sent me messages and requests demanding to see more of what I can do. I have received invites for meet-ups, hookups and dates. At first, I did not entertain the idea because I was happy doing it on my own.

But an Xtube member caught my attention and invited me out. It was in February 2012, a few days before Valentine’s Day. We talked for a while. We went to his place, and there it happened. My very first intimate experience. It was bareback. I knew the risks of getting infected, even just by doing it one time, but I didn’t take it seriously.

A few weeks later, I got sick and was admitted to the hospital for a week. I thought it was nothing serious. I went on leave of absence for about two months so I could rest and get back in shape. But when I got back to work, people noticed that I started to lose weight. At first, I didn’t mind it. Then, I started getting coughs and colds easily, which lasted for a month. I was also experiencing night sweats. My lymph nodes were swollen behind my ears and at my neck, and I had a prolonged fever. I knew there was something wrong. I started reading on the internet about common signs and symptoms of HIV. I prayed that I didn’t have it.

A few months later, my boss told me to get some rest. I went back to the hospital to get myself checked out and was admitted again to undergo diagnostic tests. Everything turned out negative, and my attending physician couldn’t identify what might be the cause of the fever. She told me she did not believe in a “fever of unknown origin,” so she suggested I undergo voluntary counseling and testing for HIV.

I met my counselor, and she conducted the pre- and post-test counseling for me. We waited for two weeks to get the confirmatory result. While resting at home, I got a call from her, and she told me that they had the results.

I met her at the hospital, and we talked for a while before opening the letter. She handed it to me, and I was still praying, even though I already knew the result. As expected, it was positive. I felt numbness all over my body. Then, I started crying. I thought it was the end. I felt so devastated. My counselor called my mom and gave us time to talk. I handed the results to my mom. I watched her cry while she read them. The feelings were tearing me apart. I couldn’t help crying.

I was in a state of melancholia for a couple of days. My condition got worse. I suffered mitral valve prolapse and pneumocystis carinii pneumonia (PCP). I thought my days were already over, so my mom decided to seek help from RITM AIDS Research Group. They got all my baseline information and started me on treatment.

They started infusing antibiotics and gave me anti-tuberculosis medications along with my antiretrovirals (ARVs) and transfused a bag of blood. The infectious disease doctors at RITM saved my life.

A few months later, I was able to recover little by little. I was able to go back to work, and now I can say that I’m getting better.

A friend once told me, “You learned your lesson the hardest way, but I’m happy that you’re coping.” I don’t take what happened to me negatively. It won’t do any good for my health. But moving forward, I learned to love myself more, learned who my true friends are, and, most especially, I’m happy with the love and support that I am getting from my friends and fellow people living with HIV.

There is always a life after being HIV positive. Don’t forget what happened to you in your past. Cherish it, and learn from it. Do not regret what happened because it will always serve as the best lesson learned. It may have ruined your plans A, B and C, but you have a long way to go. You can still start a new plan: from D to Z.

What three adjectives best describe you?

Believer. Survivor. Positive.

What is your greatest achievement?

I finished my graduate school degree.

What is your greatest regret?

I regret not forgiving the people who hurt me in the past. They are no longer around for me to tell them that they are forgiven.

What keeps you up at night?

My work, since I am working the night shift.

If you could change one thing about living with HIV, what would it be?

Changing how people view HIV here in the Philippines. People think that it’s a “gay plague.” Just like any other virus, anyone can get it. That’s a common misconception here.

What is the best advice you ever received?

Despite what happened to you in the past, don’t regret if the outcome turned out negative because in every negative thing, you can see the positive reason behind it.

What person in the HIV/AIDS community do you most admire?

Shola Luna.

What drives you to do what you do?

The support of the people around me. They’re what drive me to do everything at my best.

What is your motto?

Be positively positive.

If you had to evacuate your house immediately, what is the one thing you would grab on the way out?

I would grab the religious items on our altar (the rosary, the Bible and the images of the Holy Father).

If you could be any animal, what would you be? And why?

Given a chance to be an animal, I’d love to be a bird. I would love to fly high and be free. I want to travel and see the beauty of the world. There is a lot in store for us.