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A Reconstituted Man

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11 Comments

susan pizza

Oh, Honey. No, we can't immediately "fix it", although we can keep fighting, searching for the cure, keeping the issue of HIV/AIDS as much in the forefront of the powers that be as we can. But yeah, together we CAN stand it. We can stand it by reaching out in solidarity and understanding with each other, being each other's strength when there is not an ounce of strength left in us to call on. Easy? Of course not. Lonely, frustrating, sad? Always. OK, a lot of folks are going to say, "You don't know what you're talking about" because my demon isn't HIV/AIDS but other life and energy draining medical issues. Kind of similar....not always ones that can be 'seen'....Hey, you really are looking good!......and unfortunately, also ones that are becoming sort of taken for granted. I'm proud of your FIGHT, Rick. I'm proud that you continue to do the work that is so YOU, despite the fact that your body can make every step, every action, pure hell. Believe me, I DO understand. I had to give up a career that was my joy, again, not to HIV/AIDS, but to other medical issues. I'm lucky that I found something to fill, somewhat, the gap...I was a caregiver to my elderly Mom for years, and now that she's passed, I volunteer {and work, too} in animal welfare, rescue, and daily care. But I know, sometimes I can't find the energy to put one foot in front of the other. I kind of collapse. I have to allow my body a time to rest and regroup {to my chagrin!} and during that time, I try to think of the courageous fighters like you and so many other people who KEEP GOING in spite of it all. I don't know you, but each of you are my inspirations, my mentors, my sisters and brothers in this struggle. Remembering that we are not alone....for me it helps, puts some of the grief over what I've lost due to medical complications and those ravages on my uncooperative body into a bit different perspective, and hopefully one that encourages me to go the next step, make it through the next minute or two. You, Rick, and all of us fighting the battles, are inspirational. Truly. In solidarity, in compassion, and in HOPE, susan

March 18, 2012

Eric

Richard miss you keep up the good work

February 27, 2012

Renzo

Well is a feeling, not a diagnosis. I look very good on paper, but Ferri looks better in person than I do. I know you are tired of hearing how good you LOOK, but your tireless working out has been a large part of the reason I started doing it myself. The other part of the decision was that I am getting older. This in and of itself is the greatest success I ever could have hoped for since getting infected. When I was treating HIV patients in the mid eighties, a life span such as mine or YOURS with HIV was almost a miracle. Let's not forget how far we have come, as people with HIV and as gay men (for those of us who are). We can now get married in NY State. I never expected that either. Fatigue is a symptom that can be treated. For example look up the research at Columbia University on the (new) drug Nuvigil www.columbiahivresearch.org). It is related to the old drug Provigil (armodafanil and modafanil respectively). There might be such studies in or near Boston. Doctors can prescribe both, although insurance might not cover it (and they are WICKEDLY expensive). Other stimulants are available for fatigue related to HIV as well, although people with past addictions might consider twice before starting them. Whenever EVERYTHING is getting one down, one should talk (as Dr.Ferri says), to others, to professionals, or to friends, because talking helps break insolvable problems into solvable pieces, and allows one to re-assume command of one's life. Hopefully.

July 25, 2011

Richard Ferri

Please tell you friends an-coworkers bout the blog. I would really appreciate it Ric

July 19, 2011

Gary Bellitt

Amazing how well you read my mind, Richard. Thank you for writing what I have been feeling for a long time. I tested positive in '88 and was diagnosed with AIDS in '94, with KS lesions covering my arms and legs. Although the KS has been successfully treated, my labs indicate I am "well," and I am in great shape due to an intense workout regimen, I still struggle daily. I went back to work in 2005 and have been struggling for the last several years. Living in a small Midwestern town doesn't help, either. My doctor will not even think of helping me reapply for disability, as my numbers do not indicate any problems. Diarrhea, fatigue, loss of concentration, depression, night sweats and anxiety are my constant companions - not to mention the loneliness and isolation I get thinking about all of the friends I have lost through the years. No one will ever be able to fully comprehend what those of us who have been living with this disease go through on a daily basis.

July 18, 2011

Richard Ferri

Just few will understand what we understand. They, by their good works, THINK they can and do "get it, but it just is not so. Living with HIV is an isolated journey but it does not have to be made alone as long as talk to each other like we are doing here. Keep on reading and keep the discussion going. I am about to enter a hellish day ad each of you will be with me today to help guide me in practice of HIV medicine. Thank YOU

July 18, 2011

Will Wilson

Richard, THANK YOU for being so honest. Like you, every time I hear someone tell me how good I look, I want to slam them into a wall. I just wish that these "clowns" who pretend that living with AIDS "is no big deal" could live in my body for 24 hours. I bet they'd be singing a different tune real fast. Thank you, again, for putting into words the thoughts that have been running through my mind for far too long.

July 17, 2011

Dewayne Dean

Jesus Christ, I read this three times and I can't get it out of my head. Quit doctoring and start writing... can do it on the toilet...

July 17, 2011

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