I propose that $5 be added to the $700,000,000,000 to help me out some losses I suffered this evening at the hands of friends.


Or, I should probably say, the hands of the hands of friends. Yes, I was on the losing end of a night of low-stakes poker. I know it’s a risky move with the ecomony on a downturn, and uncertainty as to whether or not the bailout will appease the mighty appetite of the U.S. and World economies...

But desperate times call for desperate measures. And a man will go to any means to provide for his family. Sure, my family is one other person, in terms of how many people are under one roof, but still, you know what I’m talking about.

So I’m writing to my congressmen to see if an additional $5 can be tacked onto the $700,000,000,000 bailout plan to cover my losses this evening. Seriously, does $700,000,000,005 really look that much different?

If the government turns down my request, I may organize an AIDS Walk to off set my losses. Read a really cool story about a recent AIDS Walk in Louisville, where pets were invited to join in on the fun. They raised $178,000!

Go, Fido.

So just remember, if the politicians let you down, there’s always man’s best friend.

Positively Yours,