: “I am Criswell! For years, I have told the almost unbelievable...related the unreal, and shown it to be MORE...than a fact.” - Criswell


Last weekend, I started making predictions about political and sporting events. Some did not believe the choices I made (Obama in Nevada and the Packers over the Giants), and were upset that I distorted the actual outcomes to claim victory.

Most of the great predictors of times past honed their skills in private before going public with their incredible gifts. But in this modern era, I do not have that privilege: every gadget I own blinks and beeps at me, reminding me of a world that needs predictions, some kind of clue as to what’s ahead.

Do not fear! I am here! The boy who once had no future is now a man, in touch with the inner-workkings of the universe... behold my weekend predictions.

Positively Yours,


Obama (41%) Edwards (29%) Clinton (28.8%)
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that my guy, Kucinich, dropped out of the race yesterday. I predict he will continue to be awesome.

RESULTS:  The Mighty Decker does it again, Obama wins.  My overestimation of Edwards skewed Obama’s percentage, but at least I scored a legit prediction this time.  1-0!


MISS AMERICA: Miss Illinois
Miss Massachusettes 1st runner-up
Miss Washington 2nd runner-up
Additional Predictions: Miss Virginia will make the Top 16. Upon being crowned, the winner will wave to the crowd and cry. There will be no tears! She will walk to greet her subjects as the new Queen!

RESULTS:  Miss Illinois didn’t even make the Top 16, and I don’t even remember the fate of Massachusettes.  Miss Washington was 2nd runner-up, and Miss Virginia was 3rd runner-up.

As for TLC’s Reality Check show, and their claim to reinvent Miss America... tell me, can you tell the difference between last year’s winner and this year’s? 

Last year’s winner...

This year’s winner.

ROYAL RUMBLE on SUNDAY (wrestling): Triple H

RESULTS:  JOHN CENA, winner of Royal Rumble

False advertising!  I didn’t know John Cena would show up.  He wasn’t one of the 30 guys listed.  I know, “Shawn, as a great predictor you should have seen that coming...”

“”The day is gone, the night is upon us...And the moon, which controls all of the underworld, once again shines...in radiant contentment." - Criswell