I know that using the language infected and HIV are a serious topic and shouldn’t be treated lightly but the truth of the matter is that rates continue to climb despite many years of prevention messages that are created in the country. Thankfully there are many who are aware of their sexual health and make sure they heed the prevention messages but sadly there are others who throw caution to the wind and simple roll the dice when it comes to HIV. So since there are countless messages out there telling you how not to get HIV, for those determined or turning a deaf ear to the topic, I have come up with six simple ways you can get HIV if it’s your intention. Yet I emphasize I hope you truly look at the messages and turn it into a situation where you can remain HIV negative. Although this was done tongue in cheek the underline message of not getting HIV is very much real.

So without much further ado: Six ways to get closer to HIV


Step One: Ignore all the safe sex messages.

The posters of HIV prevention that sits on the wall and the palm cards given out with condoms probably don’t speak to you. Besides the person in the ad is (choose a race) and they are (choose a sex) and they look to be (choose a sexuality) so they can’t be talking about you. I mean seriously why do they create such ads in the first place and why take the fun out of sex. And why do the people in the ads look like they don’t have HIV. And if they do look this way then having HIV must not that bad right?


Step Two: Ignore any signs of depression and feelings of low self worth.

Why take the advice of a shrink when that person doesn’t know you anyway? Continue with the belief that all psychiatrist want to do anyway is to make you start popping pills and get commissions form the drug companies. Tell yourself the feeling of helplessness and sadness will all go away once you have sex especially with a stranger. That the act alone will make you feel wanted and sexy even if that feeling only lasts for several hours. Send the message to yourself, how else you going to be validated if someone doesn’t want you sexually. I mean after all that is the only worth people have right? But hey there are more strangers in the world to get you through the next several hours. Besides if you really want to express things you would only tell a therapists there’s always Facebook.


Step Three: Tell yourself that everybody else is doing it.

Why else would they make it so easy to have sexual hook-ups? The ease comes from technology such as Grindr and Jacked that gives you a GPS to your next conquest. Plus you have the complete honesty of the people on these sites right. Seriously if they say they are HIV negative, why not believe them. Plus look at their picture. No one who looks that hot would lie about their status. Plus everyone should know that it’s hard to resist when you can have sex as simple as ordering a pizza. On these services you can even choose to have take out (meaning to travel) or have it delivered (coming to your place) But please disregard that this technology makes it hard to even be in a relationship when meeting people for casual sex has no level or depth and the immediacy of it gives you a quick fix unlike a relationship which has to be developed but is rewarding in the end.     


Step Four: Don’t talk to your partner about safe sex

I mean after all they are your partner and the rules of commitment are that once they place themselves in a relationship then they have to be 100% monogamous with you. Those are the rules. So despite the feeling they may not be totally monogamous based on their previous history, you find comfort in the thought that since they’re with you, "they’ll change.’ Or maybe it’s you that’s changed and feel it’s not necessary to tell your partner that you had a hook-up in the last week. You’ve changed because it would have been two or three people but it’s only one a week, so appreciation of this milestone should be recognized by your partner. Besides you don’t have feelings for the hook-up so it doesn’t count as you never kissed them. And yeah, what they don’t know won’t hurt.


Step Five: Have a back-up plan

Everyone knows that there’s supposed to be a pill you can take after sex that will prevent HIV. You truly think you know all about what they cal P.E.P and P.R.E.P but you only saw what you wanted to see, which was a condom in a pill form, but your reading didn’t go further. Even though you didn’t bother to read everything it requires for it to work, you just trust what your friends from the club tell you. And besides it’s cute that they package a condom with a pill. So easy and simple. Yes it would be easy to look it up on the internet and see that it’s not 100% proof and that you have to take it for four weeks so you have it build up in your system but we’re in that age when we want everything now, quick and easy. Even when it comes to the care of your health. And it needs repeating, it’s not guaranteed to work. But why would they put it out there if it didn’t work, right?

 Step Six: HIV is nothing but a conspiracy anyway

You hold on to the belief that HIV is part of a conspiracy by the drug companies and the governments so why take it seriously? If you’re black you probably blame the white man after all there was Tuskegee and even though you don’t know the complete history of Tuskegee let alone know how to spell it correctly, you still buy into the conspiracy theory. If you’re white you probably think it was brought over by a flight attendant and besides ’only black people’ are getting it. But there may be comfort in your knowing one thousand and one conspiracy theories yet have a difficult time knowing the one way to stay safe. And you may even hold on to this thinking with the idea that HIV is not as big a issues as it once was and the only ones pushing it has an agenda.

Believe me there are more ways to truly become infected but these abbreviated steps can lead you closer. Heed the messages but it’s your sexual health. The message is clear that HIV is still here even if it’s not making the headlines like it once has. These are not guaranteed but if you’re looking to move closer to HIV at least you have a roadmap.