This post was written by Wanona “Nona NuNu” Thomas, and originally appeared on A Girl Like Me, a blog for women and girls on The Well Project.
This is D.V. Awareness month right?! Well let me shed light on another ugly truth of mine. Yeah, I been there before, a couple times at the hands of both men who I bore children for. As I sit here and think of how to describe the brutal pain each physical incident caused, I’m a little lost honestly. So I’m just writing what’s in my head at this moment. When I think about the incidents that occurred by both people I think about a second victim that had to suffer behind their actions as well, and that is my oldest child. Son, for whenever you read this IM SORRY!!! I’m sorry you had to see your mother at her most vulnerable physical states and each time you had to continuously look me in my battered face. I’m sorry for those that may not be sorry, for those that could’ve took you while mommy healed but chose not to! I’m just sorry, and hopefully those incidents don’t cause too much damage that it will hinder you from being the King I’m trying so hard to raise you to be or cause you to inflict these same type of scars on the next person’s daughter(s). Just remember the pain and tears your mother felt and promise not to EVER make someone else bare the same informal mug or heartbreak.
I LOVE YOU!!!
1 in 4 women experience domestic violence in a relationship. Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten and up to 10 MILLION children witness some form of domestic violence annually!
Now no woman, girl, or female deserves to be abused, especially by the hands of someone who claims to love you. Love is NOT supposed to hurt, but I grew up around A LOT of dysfunction. I sat in my mother’s lap while she cried numerous times. So when I got in my own relationships and I endured pain by my significant other, I dealt with it and because I thought that’s what love WAS. I thought that love is not all roses, candy and smiles, but sometimes heartache, tears and pain. That if you want a long-lasting relationship, then you deal with the ups and downs. You make it work no matter what, that when a man is hurt they may express themselves in the wrong way sometimes and if it gets physical that they didn’t mean it. They just didn’t know how to control their emotions at that time, but they still love you, right? (WRONG)
Oh that ‘he didn’t mean it, he said he wouldn’t do it again’ line is so real and most of us who been through this don’t believe it, but we battle with our hearts and mind that we convince ourselves that it’s true so we can continue to give what our heart believe is love. So for me in those moments, I would weigh out the good and bad in the relationship, and when the good won I would push the bad to the side. Why? Why when I have ALWAYS been independent and NEVER relied on a man to take care of me, always been beautiful and intelligent? Well the truth is, I lost myself! I forgot who I was before ever committing to a man. I let them help lower my self-esteem and because I had so much dysfunction in my own immediate family, I thought pain and heartaches were normal. I hide the ugly side of my problems to a lot of people and only displayed the good things because I grew up hearing from my mother “what goes on in my house STAYS in my house.” So in other words, my suffering wasn’t to go to far from my own door step. I had to keep a pretty picture painted!!!
Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends
For US that are still granted the gift of LIFE, as women it takes for enough to be just that ENOUGH!! But until you have reached that point of no return, no matter what anyone does or say or how many times you hear “if he hits you once, he WILL DO IT AGAIN,” you will stay until you open those beautiful little eyes and find yourself. KNOW THAT YOU ARE AN ASSET AND NOBODY’S LIABILITY! NOBODY’S, do you hear me?! Be grateful and humbled if you are a survivor and have made it out. But if not, pray like HELL that God sees you through and if so, you will get there because enough WILL BECOME ENOUGH! God will show you your worth and what love is suppose to be like for HIS child!
I thought I knew what love was just like countless others, but at the age of 26 (27 in January lol), I’m actually just now learning, and it’s OK if you’re too!! Just remember to LIVE IN YOUR TRUTH, embrace it, learn from it, and GROW. Know that you can ALWAYS turn your Havoc(s) into VICTORY!! If you don’t think so, keep looking at me and if you are already down with me than you know we stay #LIYT #DAILY
I LOVE YOU ALL
Wanona “Nona NuNu“ Thomas
The Well Project is a non-profit organization whose mission is to change the course of the HIV/AIDS pandemic through a unique and comprehensive focus on women and girls. Visit their website, www.thewellproject.org, to access fact sheets (English and Spanish), blogs, and advocacy tools, and to join a global community of women living with HIV.