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Very touching. Sometimes we try to be too strong and kind of turn off the feelings. That's how some of us cope. It's good that you have someone in your life that is understanding. I get pretty caught up in the mortality obsession too, sometimes. Seems to be a common thread among us. Not weak, just human. I think is the best piece you have written and speaks to all of us in the comminity.
I just recently saw you appear on a show I was watching Friday night (which was in fact World AIDS day) and you had such a profound impact on me. I think you are truly an amazing person that has so much insight and hope to give to those individuals struggling with this disease. Your determination and spririt amazed me to the point I had to Google your name when I came into work today. Thank you for coming out publicly and showing the world a different face of HIV. You truly are inspiring!!!
Thank you Regan, Once again you show, with your complete understanding of the HIV experience; you are right now doing what the Creator designed you to do. Please be sure you are not alone and that there are many of your readers,peers and admirers who are walking beside you on this unchosen pathway. Mr. Boyfriend; Please stay as understanding and supportive as you can, while not taking away the total experience which Regan should be experincing. Keep sharing the road, and try not to be tempted to take over the road trip. Thanks for your thoughtful romp through the New Jersey country side. It brought back fond memories.
Eric Johnson
Regan, I can not express enough my gratitude for your sharing that you still experience emotional turmoil living with HIV and you still find the strength to remain optimistic. On October 29, 2005 I was diagnosed as being HIV Positive. The diagnosis came before I was testing positive for the antibodies and while I was experiencing a very hostile seroconvert. I had been very ill for three weeks and because no tests revealed why I was so ill my physician suggested we perform a viral load test needless to say it revealed that I am HIV positive. I never imagined the dramatic effect the diagnosis would have on my life. I experienced contradictory emotions on a daily basis. And unimaginable to me my love left me days after I hosted my families Thanksgiving Dinner I thought I was truly alone. I watched as many rallied around and supported me emotionally, and I also experienced rejection from those I never thought would reject one living with HIV. I am now over a year living with HIV it was the most incredible year of my life as well as the most challenging. On October 29th, my one year anniversary, I thought I was finally emotionally stable and nothing about living with HIV would effect me like the first year trials had. I believed the frequency of tears I experienced were now past. However, the holidays, the memories of my sickness caused during my seroconvert, the unanticipated rejection I experienced and the unconditional caring I others gave last year have brought me to tears more often then I care to admit. Regan, you helped me to turn from despair and inspired me to remember the strengths I developed my first year. I believe that this virus has and will continue to help me become emotionally stronger, more compassionate, and in short a better person than I ever imagined I would be. We living with this virus are a strength unlike any that has been seen in history I will forever be indebted to my brothers and sisters living with HIV we are never alone. Thank You!!
December 16, 2006