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Grief Is a Sword: A Eulogy for Spencer Cox

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The Meth epidemic is killing our communities. Meth creates a hyper-creative, hyper-sexual, initial phase that "gives you the most incredible feeling you will ever have" -- a feeling that lasts for a long time. The only thing that lasts longer is the period of lack of enjoyment that follows -- of all things that used to bring joy. All your old depressions and anxieties return, along with the guilt and shame that you cannot admit to anyone. As the addiction runs its course, the creative periods shrivel up, and what is left is a joyless gray existence punctuated with highs that become shorter and shorter.. and never reach the "greatness" that you remember. Eventually, money dries up. If you start out with lots of it, it may take longer, but it will happen. There is no surprise that the recidivism rate for meth addicts trying to recover is higher than with any other stimulant drug. The funds to fight the meth epidemic is going to imprison users, not to find effective treatments. Instead of fighting for our brothers and sisters, we ignore it, adding to the shame and guilt. In a 2006 San Francisco study, 19-39% of pozzers reported using meth the previous year. This isn't unique to SF, and this affects all of us. How long are we going to watch our brothers die before we fight back?

February 17, 2013


facing death right in the eye is like going inside a new ample vast corridor, some people are afraid of it, some embrace it dearly. May our ticket once it has been put on our fingers, turn into a joyous and mellow undertaking.

February 14, 2013


am soo excited to read ur news , i am a positive gay from ghana , and i want to learn and know more about act up , we have a alot of positive gays in ghana and we have a big problem , so i hope u will keep intoch so i can give u all the informatiom and the problem we positve gays are faceing here , thank u my e mail

January 29, 2013

Luis R

I think we HIV + men have come a long way but we still lack an accepting society and we ourselves sometimes forget about our friends living with the disease as well. Although I like events such as NIN and the Ritz on Thursdays, we have to come up with other means of support that doesn't involve going to a bar or night club to mingle with other poz guys. We need events were other guys feel like they have a voice and feel at home. I'm forever grateful to the work ACT UP has done since the beginning of this epidemic but now we have to become activists to a different cause, and that is to keep those of us still on this earth safe from our two worst enemies, loneliness and our own minds. I want to say I love you Peter Staley, and I'm glad to see and hear from you through

January 28, 2013


How moving. I have been infected sine the beginning of the epidemic, and have found the time since HAART to be the most perplexing for me. I have been lucky: I have a career, good friends, and have had few untreatable medical problems, but I feel profoundly alienated in a culture has already forgotten the terror we lived through. I feel that my ongoing struggle has become very solitary and that the damage incurred is no longer acknowledged by a culture incapable, still, of grasping its tragedy. Thank you.

January 27, 2013


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