I was back in full force at Cold’s Gym, earning my iced mochas, the policy I’d set forth to get me to the gym... and the policy worked: I went three days in a row.

Then tragedy struck: I got injured.

It wasn’t like I was trying to benchpress 350-lbs, or keep up with a Jazzercise class. I was on the lazy-man exercise bike. The ones with back support, no less. And I was taking the rides slower than Foghat. So when I noticed pain in chest- disconcertingly close to my heart- I was puzzled. I thought, “For fuck’s sake, if I’m having a heart attack at 32, God, just take me now.”

I went the third day despite the slight pain, because I really wanted an iced mocha.

The workout was fine, but that night in bed the pain was worse than it had been before. The next day, I didn’t go to the gym and revised my policy to include an iced mocha credit for three consecutive days and a leniency where heart attack scares and other injuries are concerned.

Even when it became apparent that the injury was a pulled muscle in my back, I was still baffled, because the exercise bike had back support, making the pain there seem less sensical than the chest pain... I just wanted to ride my bike...

After two days of recovery, I remembered an incident earlier in the week.

I was in the zone at the Putt Putt Course, trying to defeat my friend/tormentor, Ben, when a bumble started taking swipes at me. The first time it buzzed by I let it slide. But by the fourth time or so shit got personal, plus the game with Ben was close- I was only two strokes down and in no mood for distractions.

“You want a piece of me? Come get some!”

Ben looked somewhat frightened at first, hearing my words and watching me swing my metal putter violently. I almost got ’em- the bee, that is. Finally, the thing flew away to safety and I thought nothing of it until I was retracing my steps.

I’m 32. I’ll be 33 on Wednesday. I can now add to the long list of Life Accomplishments that I’ve injured myself by fighting a bumble bee.

Positively Yours,


PS... found the video on YouTube looking for an official Queen video. Hope those guys got an A for that.