It’s important for everyone to know their status and get tested: I get it. But every damn year I get all excited about National HIV Testing Day, and every damn year the test always comes back the same...


So, on the eve of yet another National HIV Testing Day, I demand a substitute for people who are already positive. Maybe a pony ride or half off at the Golden Corral lunch buffet. Instead of testing myself for HIV, I can test the limits of my belly.