Last week a reporter in Iowa asked Barack Obama why he wasn’t wearing an American flag lapel pin on his jacket.  And his answer tore a fragile nation apart.

Or not.  Basically he said it was a lazy way to show your patriotism, but he worded it better since he’s running for president.  The extreme right went nuts over this.  But what they- and everyone else for that matter- didn’t hear was the true story of why Obama was pinless that day in Iowa.

In between stump speeches, Obama was checking his blackberry while sipping a cup of joe.  As his driver escorted him to the next appearance, he noticed something outside his window.  Something strange: three dark-skinned men wearing turbans, standing by the roadside.  One of them was unseasonably dressed in winter clothing.

Barack Obama asked his driver to slow down, so he could get a closer look.  “But Senator, we are already late for the Seniors Horseshoes League, and...” 

 “Just do it.”

Enough said.

The car slowed down, and Barack noticed that the man in the winter coat had what appeared to be an alarm clock strapped to his chest.  Without hesitation, he lept from the moving automobile.  The three men turned their attention to him, and Obama asked, “Can I help you guys?”

They said nothing.  Removing his jacket, affixed with a shiny American Flag lapel pin-which Obama kissed before setting his jacket on the ground-, Obama extended his open hands, motioning them towards him.  “You want a piece of America, do you?  Well, you gotta get through me first.”

The men looked at each other, and in unison they screamed, “JIHAD!”, then charged him.  The first of the attackers-a bit swifter of foot than the others- was equipped with a machete.  Obama ducked, backflipping him onto the ground, and then met the next with a punch to the stomach, followed by an uppercut.

Opening his coat, revealing layers of explosives, the last man said, “How do you say in American... Boom?”

“Now wait,” the Senator said.  “Let’s not do anything crazy here.”

The moment of distraction worked, and the other two men wrestled Obama to the ground.  Holding up his jacket, the man with the machete held his weapon the American flag lapel pin.  “No,” Obama said.  “Anything but that...”  In one motion his slashed it from the jacket, and for the next seventeen hours the two men held Obama, demanding that he pull the bomber man’s extended index finger.

He refused.

After showing such will, the three men released Obama, and converted to Christianity.  In the meantime, the Seniors Horseshoes League rescheduled his appearance for the next day; which Obama nailed.

Shortly after that meeting, he sat down for the interview with the reporter who noticed the missing pin.  In all of the hubub, Obama had forgotten to replace the pin, and said: “ decided I won’t wear that pin on my chest.  Instead, I’m going to try to tell the American people what I believe will make this country great, and hopefully that will be a testament to my patriotism.”

Your well-placed punches and refusal to pull that finger were more than enough for this American.

Positively Yours,