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Why Aren't You Out About Your HIV+ Status?

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5 Comments

Robert

How about pragmatism? I am open to my family and friends about my status, but not at work. I work in a field that I love. You think people in the field of education would be more open and understand that this is the 21st century. Unfortunately this is not the case. Some see coming out about ones status as noble and necessary to end stigma, but that is a straw man argument for keep one's status to himself is not a sign of shame. I guess if you are gay, work in a field where being gay is accepted, like living in poverty, or are an activist, than it's fine. You can cite all of the anti-discrimination laws you wish, but in the real world, there are ways around it. Quite frankly, I am paid well and have great health insurance that pays for my meds which would go away if I made disclosure. You can't legislate open-mindedness. I have a virus; a medical condition. I do not wish to romanticize it, make my self a Christ-figure, or turn it in to a political or human rights issue. My medical history is my business. I make no apologies, nor do I live in a state of shame. I love and accept me for who I am, and I give others the freedom to live their lives as they see fit. I respect those who choose to disclose, I ask for the same respect.

November 8, 2013

Keith

What a wonderful thing to say & said in a very nice, pozitive way!

October 31, 2013

Steven Kerry

Did you feel the same way when you were not partnered? I would think having a partner who is accepting makes quite a difference. Meeting one's sexual needs and dating are difficult for people who are HIV negative; for a poz person it can be a very dark jungle fraught with rejection and the "poof, be gone with you" attitudes online. So why don't we "come out" regarding out HIV status? 1. Because rejection hurts 2. Because rejection hurts 3.Because rejection hurts. Many of us do not have a supportive partner to help deal with the stigma, the side effects, the anxiety, etc. I do not question the sincerity or validity of your view on "coming out as poz", but your vantage point as both partnered and attractive (you are aware, I assume, that some of us show the effects of years of taking these medications) may make this an easier proposition for yourself than some of the rest of us. I was in an HIV support group a few years ago, and they asked for a show of hands as to how many were partnered: two hands went up out of about 18 guys. My own approach to this issue is to be open when a guy expresses concern about it directly or asks bluntly "What is your status?" Otherwise I act as if I am concerned about my own safety and thus insist on safe or safer sex. It is a downer to continually highlight it as if to assume that sexually active adult gay men do not by now know the guidelines regarding safe encounters. There is a difference between making it some personal habit to confess one's status within minutes of saying "Hello" and bringing it up if asked or if someone is insistent on a potentially unsafe sexual activity. I don't think of this as being covert so much as sharing one's status in a natural and unforced way at which point it is pertinent. In the ideal world, the heavy lifting of being "out" should not be left to only a few, but one is unlikely to join the lift team if he feels he will be seen as weirdly focused on this one aspect of his life or be altogether crushed in the process.

October 31, 2013

Mark S. King

I'm so glad you're doing well, Samuel. I can feel your gratitude, and I think it's that emotion, and my joy in being alive at all, that is probably coming through in my videos. Thanks for that really nice feedback. And thanks for flirting. If my boyfriend ever takes me for granted, I'm going to read him your comment and remind him how easy on the eyes I am. LOL

October 30, 2013

samuel 95814

You are an ideal spokesman for hiv awareness You are charming, articulate and live well with hiv. You know how to hit home! You are also extremely easy for the eyes.:-) I have poz for we almost 23 years and doing well. Thank you! Samuel

October 29, 2013

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