I made a big mistake. Turns out the Lauretta Braden email was a scam. Not only am I not rich, but I have many valuable relationships to rebuild.
Fortunately, I’ve already won back one loved one: my mother-in-law, who has welcomed me back into the family with open arms. But it was easier to charm her, since I was able to do so in person. See, Gwenn and I are speaking at Hiram College tonight, which is conveniently located near Cleveland where Bev (Gwenn’s mom) lives. We’ll see how everyone back home responds to my brush with riches on Saturday, when I play a Valentines show with Bella Morte.
I’m looking forward to speaking this evening, it feels like it’s been forever since we last spoke in December. Which makes me think- if I really hit the lottery, I’d like to think that I’d still educate. In fact, I’d probably speak more, as I’d be able to go to all the schools that don’t have the funds to fly us out to their school.
Anyway, speaking of Valentine’s Day and sexual health education: did you hear about the Armani Exchange store in Troy, MI? They had a display featuring condoms that were shaped as a heart, to promote HIV/AIDS awareness during the libidinous Valentines season. Well, mall authorities shut that down... Why?
To protect parents from the following interaction with their children?
“Mommy, what are those?!”
“Oh, honey... they are.... suckers....”
“I WANT SUCKERS! MOMMY, MOMMY, PLEASE!!!!!”