Obama has lifted the ban on stem cells, leading the way for scientists who are eager to cure me of all my ills. 

A life without hemophilia?  What would I do?  I would be a cutter!  At least for a weekend, just because I could.  Life without HIV?  Without my pet virus?  Goodbye pills and condoms!  Of course, this means Gwenn would have to take the pill... but hey, that’s just taking one for the team.

This has all got me thinking: would I still be me without these medical conditions?

Well, yes.  I guess I would.  Sure, I’d stray for a while, trying to find my purpose.  But the previous blog about Watchmen, coupled with the idea of perfect health has got me thinking: crime-fighting would be the way to go for a cured Shawn. And just like the Watchmen, I’d form a supergroup. 

Better than the Justice League. 

Better than the Fantastic Four. 

Better than the Traveling Wilburys... I will form them.  And I will call them... The Swatchmen. 

See, we’re all going to wear Swatches and leave them on our victims’ disposed bodies as our calling card.  I know the cures are a long ways off, but I’ve already recruited Erin Weed of Girls Fight Back as my first sidekick.  I posted on her Facebook wall, and didn’t hear a negative so I’m assuming that means she is all in on this.

And rest or unrest assured, more members are coming. In the meantime, you can watch Erin kick some ass here.  Word to the wise- get on my good side sooner rather than later.

Like I said, though.  This is a long ways off.  It will be at least a few months before they figure out all this stem cell stuff and give me my inevitable cures.  That is just enough time to sew together a really cool costume and think of all the childhood atrocities on the playground I shall avenge.

The only hang-up is finding enough money in a recession to stock up on swatches...

Positively (Soon to Be Negatively) Yours,

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