It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed a movie with my movie-reviewing partner, Steve Schalchlin, or, as we are collectively known, the Hemo2Homo Connection.  Right now, Steve (whose partner, Jim Brochu, is starring in the hilarious play, Zero Hour) is in the process of moving from Los Angeles to New York City, so I decided not to harass him into going to see Piranha 3D.  Instead, I dedicate this review to my good friend as I wish him a happy relocation to the east coast.
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Piranha 3D: A Bloody Good Time
by Shawn Decker

For the thinblooded community, I cannot recommend this movie enough.  It’s got so much blood in it you may want to sneak some extra clotting factor along with that bag of smuggled candy.  If you’re a clotter who isn’t scared of the sight of human plasma, then you too should crack open this pearl.

Before I begin, I must say that the previews for this movie really turned me off.  Why pay extra for a 3D SyFy network-caliber movie?  It wasn’t until I read a string of great reviews on Facebook that I opened my heart to the concept.  The phrase “cleverly gory” pretty much sealed the deal the same way “starring Dolph Lundgren” had gotten me to The Expendables the weekend before.  Also, the last 3D movie I saw on the big screen may have been Jaws in 3D, so I figured I was long overdue to dip my toes into these trippy waters and I was curious to see how far 3D technology has advanced in the last two decades. 

And after seeing Piranha, I’m glad I didn’t ruin the effect by seeing Avatar... which I doubt had an extended underwater scene of two naked women swimming together... in 3D!  (For my gay brothers, don’t worry, there’s more than enough beefcake in this movie to leave your sweet tooth for eye candy satisfied as well.)  Outside of the neato visuals and bloodshed, the movie maintains a fun feel throughout- charmingly goofy, not too concerned with overplotting and supported by a great cast of familiar faces peppered by capable newcomers.  Sure, the ticket price is upped a few more bucks for 3D, but in this case I didn’t leave the theater feeling cheated.

If you’re looking for a fun summer movie and have a soft spot in your heart for bloodthirsty monsters and scantily clad victims, then run- nay, swim- as fast as you can to the nearest theater.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

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