Due to Mike Huckabee’s 1992 questionaire in which he stated that all people with AIDS (“the carriers of this plague”) should be isolated, the dramatic conclusion to SUPERBLOG part II has been pre-empted quicker than Sharon Stone on Larry King.
Now, I’m not going to get on a high horse about this whole thing. I’m sure I’d be embarrassed if some of my words from 1992- when I was a junior in high school- were made public. If that happened, this is probably what would go down.
Dad: Shawn, we’re ordering pizza tonight.
Dad: What kind what you like, son?
Shawn: I want pepperoni.
Dad: We got pepperoni last time, why don’t...
Shawn: Why don’t you go to hell! I wish you were isolated somewhere where I’d never have to see you!
Of course, that’s absurd. My dad would never balk at ordering pepperoni pizza. But what I’m trying to get across is that 1992 was a long time ago. One of the many differences between me and Huck is that I was a junior in high school, and he was running for Senate.
Since the statements were dug up, Huck mentioned that not much was known way back then about AIDS. Of course, by 1992 people had been told for years that HIV was not transmitted via casual contact. In fact, with Magic Johnson’s recent disclosure, that information was being recirculated all over again.
Man, if more people agreed with the Huck in ’92 I would have been quarantined. At the time, I was sporting a black leather jacket, and being quarantined would have definitely cramped my style.
Speaking of politics, last Friday night, I went to see Dennis Kucinich speak. I like the guy. And I know he’s called all kinds of unsavory things and is thought to have no chance of stealing the glory from the frontrunners, Hillary and Obama. (Watch out for Edwards, folks, he’s up to somethin’ I can feel it in my bones.)
But when I think about it, there’s no better candidate for the kid who had no chance of survival twenty years ago than Mr. Dennis Kucinich, who brilliantly mentioned sexual health education as a possible deterrant for abortion at one of the debates.
In fact, I was all primed to issue a challenge to join Kucinich and debate Oprah and Obama on the neutral grounds of the Maury show... until Huckabee’s statements were revealed. To make matters worse my childhood hero, Ric Flair, has officially endorsed the Huck along with Chuck Norris.
FACT: Did you know that there is no real theory of evolution? Just a list of animals that Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
So now, instead of battling for the democratic nomination, I want to call on Dennis Kucinich to join me in issuing an ever greater challenge: A Quarantine Cage Match! On one side, myself and Dennis. On the other, the Huck and 16-time wrestling champion “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair.
If we win, then Dennis Kucinich gets the Democratic nomination, no questions asked. C’mon, everyone including the savvy Clintons would agree to this. Dennis is 5’7 and I have a bleeding disorder for God’s sake. The spoils of victory need to be worth the risk we’d face in that ring.
But what if we lose?
Well, I would stay in the cage and everyone with AIDS would have to join me inside the locked, steal contraption until President Huckabee lets us out. Yes, he gets to be president, innaugurated right there in the cage. The stakes couldn’t be higher, which is why the match would take place in Florida this March at Wrestlemania.
So there it is. Spread the word. I’m going to drop Dennis an email about this to see if we can get this thing going. Does anyone know a good seamstress? We’d need matching tights.