Things To Do Today If You’re HIV Positive
I’ve rattled my brain to come up with ways to entertain myself and, perhaps, offer you ways to do so as well if an HIV test isn’t a proper use of your time because you know you’re HIV positive. I guess you follow my advice if you’re HIV negative too, and have recently been tested.
Either way, enjoy!
1. Test the Patience of Your Friends
Make sure that every conversation with your friends involves your HIV status on National HIV Testing Day. Offer to have lunch with friends, and interrupt every topic with how bummed you are that your status is not undetermined and you don’t get to go out and get tested like everyone else is doing. Make your friends feel shamed if they haven’t been tested recently. When the bill comes, excuse yourself to the bathroom. You shouldn’t have to pay for a lunch you’ve just ruined for everyone else.
2. Make Your Friends Watch the Movie Rent
Good musicals make for bad movies. But don’t let your friends know this. Tell them you’d really appreciate it if they’d watch Rent with you to help you get through “the difficult day”. Try to keep a straight face during the movie, especially the part where the guy is singing and riding the motorcycle in front of a green screen. This will be the most difficult part of your day.
3. Listen to The Cure’s Disintegration, From Beginning to End
The next best thing to a cure for HIV is the Cure’s 1989 epic masterpiece Disintegration. Is it a bit of bummer? Yes.
4. Find the Movie “Rubber”
Using condoms properly is a staple of living with HIV, so this “Rubber” movie must be a documentary on the history of safe sex, right? No. It’s about a tire that kills people. Seriously. I haven’t seen this movie yet, but it looks incredible. If you beat me to it, be sure to let me know what you think about it. Here’s the trailer if you have any doubts.
No matter what your status is, I hope you are comfortable in your own skin, and that you had a great day... whether you put any of my wonderful ideas to use or not.