Cece Jones-Davis
Cece Jones-Davis

For 13 years, I’ve been engaged in HIV/AIDS grass root advocacy. In the last year, I’ve also become an advocate for menstrual health management, a global issue that many of us are unfamiliar with.

This journey began for me in August 2014 after reading an article in The Huffington Post about the lack of sanitation, including waste disposal and adequate sanitary materials, for women and girls in countries like Zimbabwe. Horrified by what I read, I launched The Women & Girls Working Group to raise awareness about global menstrual health inadequacies and to donate sanitary products to U.S.-based homeless and domestic violence shelters.

Addressing stigma around HIV and menstruation has become a deep passion of mine, and I wanted to explore a question that emerged for me as a result of this work. Is there an emotional or psychological impact of positive periods? We know that blood, especially gendered and infectious blood, remains shrouded in silence, shame and fear. Considering this fact, how do HIV-positive women experience menstruation? I reached out to a few ladies living throughout the country to inquire.

Rachel Moats is a 31-year-old mother and founder of WeAreHIV.org living in San Diego, California. I was nervous to ask this very personal question, so I appreciated her “ask me anything” policy and engaging personality. Rachel explained that having her period was difficult the first year of discovering her HIV status. The sight of her blood was a constant reminder of the disease living in her body and caused her to feel ashamed, dirty, and even dangerous.

“It was an awful feeling to be scared of my own blood,” she said. Rachel began feeling more comfortable on the day her roommate administered first aid for a severe cut on Rachel’s hand. “To know someone else wasn’t afraid of me made me more comfortable with myself.” She admits that even three years later, her period can cause a momentary “freak out,” but she no longer has overwhelming anxiety.

Barbara is a 67-year-old minister and member of Divine Divas, a support group for women with HIV/AIDS in Washington, DC, and Maryland. Though she no longer has a cycle, she vividly remembers the trauma she experienced each month. “Menstruation was really something to have to go through. I didn’t want to touch my own waste, and even used gloves some of the time. To deal with it was always very stressful. I’d double wrap my items in trash bags because I didn’t want anyone else to handle something so dirty.” Looking back at those times, Barbara said she wished there was someone she could have talked to about this, and was relieved by the onset of menopause.

Davina is a 45-year-old Denver resident and blog talk show host. When she first learned she was HIV positive, Davina says she scrubbed her skin raw in the shower during her period. “I didn’t like it at all. I was constantly washing the toilet with bleach so my daughter wouldn’t contract it. I used the same wash cloth and towel all the time and would spray my hands with bleach. It’s a mental thing, you know? I felt so dirty.” Davina has moved passed these negative emotions, but believes this may take an even greater toll on younger positive girls.

Such is not the case for Marissa, though, a 28-year-old woman living in Tahoe, California. Having been born with HIV, and menstruating by the age of nine, Marissa says the virus did not cause her to feel negatively about her period as a young girl. “I’ve had so much shit happen in my life, HIV and my period have been the least of my worries.” Losing her mother was the hardest part of puberty, and she felt awkward and embarrassed when asking women in the grocery store what feminine products she should buy.

At the age of 12, Marissa was placed on birth control to manage severe cramps and did not resume a regular period until 24. A week or so after our interview, Marissa sent me this note regarding the stress menstruation now causes in her relationships as an adult:

"I started my period this past week...Since I didn’t get my period for so long being on Depo (Depo Provera), I never had to worry about my period and sex, it was stress free and easy peazy. Now, getting my period and being in a relationship, we have unprotected sex most times. So like for example the other day we were having sex then I went to the bathroom after and there was blood. I started my period. That type of shit gives me anxiety.

“I don’t want to expose my partner and someone I love more than I already am by having unprotected sex. I know my numbers are good, but still that stuff gets me all weird sometimes ’cause I don’t want to have any sex during my period. Sometimes I just use condoms during those times but still can make me feel uncomfortable because I still worry what he may be thinking and if he is worried and all of that extra stress and anxiety so then it doesn’t even make sex pleasurable at those times ’cause so much in my head...”

I appreciate the very personal insights of Rachel, Barbara, Davina and Marissa. They confirm for me that menstrual cycles can be very emotionally and psychologically straining for HIV-positive women. I think it is important to give a voice to this unique experience that can further cause women to feel isolated, dirty and ashamed.

Positive periods are everywhere positive women and girls are, and I hope that bringing stories like these to the light will push us all forward in addressing the stigma of blood issues, especially HIV and menstruation.

Cece Jones-Davis is a native of Halifax, Virginia, and a graduate of Howard University, Yale University School of Divinity and Yale Institute of Sacred Music, Worship and the Arts. She also is the founder of Sing For Change, a social justice initiative that mobilizes faith-motivated musical artists and communities in the fight against HIV/AIDS.