I?m an atheist but I believe in God. It?s a hell of a paradox.

Cupcake, Ginger and I were just hanging out on the couch together. Cupcake was wearing her favorite Dr. Dentons Christmas pajamas, and Ginger was painting her ghostly toenails with cherry red glitter. The three of us were were just chilling out and listening to the usual holiday elevator music when it started.

Mendelssohn’s ?Symphony No. 4" began streaming from the cable channel. It is very compelling music and most of you have probably heard it in a movie soundtrack that you can?t quite put your finger on. When I listen to certain music, it convinces me that there is something greater than ourselves. They don?t call it inspirational for nothing.

I?ve spent most of my conscious life grappling with the question of existence: what meaning it has, whether it is random or organized, whether the laws of nature that rule us were written by an unseen hand or whether they are simply the inevitable consequences of existence. I?m certainly no expert on the matter, but I think I know the answer.

So here?s the deal, kids. It doesn?t really matter how you imagine The Big Guy, or whether you even believe that he or she or it exists. The big G is only interested in how you live your life.

The big G is a very progressive teacher. The big G doesn?t tell you your homework assignments in advance. He also doesn?t care what language you do it in or how messy your handwriting is. He doesn’t even care if you write it down. You do have to get it done on time, though. He lets us do the all of the work here on Earth (and for the time being, its our only crib, baby, so we better take good care of it) and he let’s us play in the schoolyard after work. He only cares that you life your lives with fairness, integrity, and respect for the truth. Everything else flows from there. That?s it.

I could go on about this, but I?m not a person of the cloth, and besides, if it was my personal homework assignment to pass the message on, it?s been done and I’ve handed it in.

Happy holidays to all of you. Even you other God-fearing atheists out there.