If you haven't noticed, I have a knack for questioning things. I guess that's why my Daddy always said I should've been a lawyer. I would like to know, who came up with the saying, "Silence is Golden?". What is so golden about it? Try being born with hearing then all of a sudden at the age of 38 lose most of it with no explanation, learn to adapt with the help of hearing aids, and have that stripped from you.

I had to wake up early this morning to complete silence. I usally wake up that way until I put my hearing aids in. But today when I put my only functioning one in my ear, I heard nothing. I didn't freak out at first, I figured I just needed to change the battery. Ok, changed the battery twice, just in case a battery was dead or something, still nothing. That's when I started to freak. I hear noises but everything sounds muffled like cotton is in my ears. Conversations are the worst because people have to literally yell at me in order for me to hear just a little of what someone is saying. The rest is guess work.

I was never a Girl Scout but I always believe in having a plan of some sort. My first plan of action after rolling a doobie and having a wake and bake, was to call Ed from the ENT specialists. The guy who already has my non-working left hearing aid. Last we spoke, he had called my insurance company and they were suppose to be covering the repair of the left one. This was before the holidays, so I was giving it time before calling him back. Now I had to call him and leave a message. I did and marked it urgent. Since it was still early, I decided to go back to sleep. There was nothing else I could do til I heard back from Ed.

One thing I do know, since losing my hearing, I sleep more soundly. But it also makes me a bit leery because I fear someone could actually sneak up on me. But then again, my bedroom door does have a lock on it. Anyone trying to get past that I would definitely hear.

Anyhoo, by the time I had gotten back up from my little nap, it was 1pm. I considered that to be good because by then I had hoped to have heard something from Ed and he would just be getting in from lunch. With the phone jammed to my ear, I strained to listen to my voice mail. Yep, two messages from Ed but it wasn't what I wanted to hear or strained so hard to hear. He was getting conflicting stories from my insurance company. One minute they said they would cover the cost of the repair then the next minute they are saying they won't. I was and still am pissed. That news definitely made it time to roll another doobie.

I also played phone tag with Ed and left him another message. By the time I had gotten to the middle of the doobie, my phone rang. It was Ed. I have to give it to Ed, he has gone beyond his duty to try to help me. He told me he would be at the office til four this afternoon. I explained that I didn't have transportation anymore but was trying to find a ride. Also if I couldn't make it today, I would try for Monday. He said he understood and to do what I could.

He then went on to tell me what the insurance company was saying. I told him I still another option that I could try but I needed to know how much the repair would cost. He told me one hundred and eighty-seven dollars per hearing aid. But yet the insurance company had told me that they pay up to fifteen hundred for hearing aids. I would think being deaf would qualify me for the money. He said at this point that he was stuck and that I needed to call the insurance company. We hung up.

I remembered that a friend of mine who is also poz, told me that my ASO should be able to help. It would be considered some type of medical emergency. That was my plan b, I took his advice and called. I already knew my case manager wasn't going to be in. She rarely is and Laurie, the receptionist, confirmed it. She had also knew what happened with the other hearing aid so I told her my story. The first thing she said was that I would need some type of denial letter from my insurance company and that was if I qualify as a medical emergency. That would have to be determined. My heart kind of fell into my stomach when I heard that. I hate the word "IF", that makes me feel like there is a catch somewhere..... So, here I sit, feeling in limbo and alone in silence. Nothing feels golden about it. I feel like I am shut off from the world. I feel limited. Most of all, I feel helpless.....