Cupcake, Ginger and I were having dinner last night with some friends of ours at a restaurant called Maya.Maya is on 1st Avenue between 64th Street and 65th Street in Manhattan. The food is either Mexican inspired, or inspired Mexican, but whatever you call it, it?s a treat - as long as no one brings up the Mayan calendar.
When one of our friends remarked that the ancient Mayan calendar designates 2012 as the year that the world will end, Cupcake?s ears perked up. Needless to say, because Cupcake is an immortal being, she has a vested interest in knowing how and when the world will end. There isn?t much point in immortality if there?s no place left in the world to get a good cup of latte.
The Mayans didn?t tell us how it will end - only that it will.
We started to run down some of the possible candidates for the apocalypse:
1. Giant asteroid impact. The big rock hits outside of Las Vegas, causing mass extinction, the end of all life on earth and closing all of the casinos. Alternatively, the big rock smashes into the ocean, and the only survivors of the ensuing destruction are the crazed gamblers who live inside the casinos.
2. Thermonuclear war. The growing human population continues to consume more of the earth?s non-renewable resources, until competition for food and energy sources causes someone to drop a nuke on Washington, D.C. While this might be viewed by some as an improvement, I doubt that we?ll take it lying down.
3. Global warming. This is a hot topic these days. Too serious to joke about.
4. Alien invasion. I?m not worried about this one. I think we?ve already been invaded, but the aliens were so freaked out by poor Britney?s problems that they took pity on us and left.
5. The SIM theory. This one says that we never really existed, and that what we think is reality - including that creepy neighbor who lives downstairs and roams the halls wearing nothing his slippers and a pair of sunglasses - is nothing but a simulation running on a laptop computer owned by a 13 year-old pubescent cosmic being. The cosmic kid becomes more interested in sex and porn than the game software, and he shuts us down.
6. The blog smog. This one is my personal favorite. The number of silly blogs on the internet overwhelms the capacity of all of the computers on earth, hanging the main control software that keep the world?s nuclear reactors from melting down.
7. The writers? strike. This one is a variation of apocalypse scenario #2: with no end to the writers? strike in sight, mankind runs out of watchable television re-runs, and after four more years of American Gladiators and Deal or no Deal, our brains atrophy to the point that we are completely zombified. Religious extremists who view this as proof that God is on their side launch a Jihad that results in a thermonuclear war (see also # 2, above.)
8. Biological disaster. While trying to create genetically altered sushi, science unleashes a scourge that turns all of the fish in the ocean into a life form that even Martin Brundlefly* wouldn?t eat.
9. Depression. The world runs out of Ambien and Zoloft. One half of humanity can’t fall asleep and keeps the other half up all night. As a result, we all lose interest in the whole thing and walk into the ocean.
10. A black hole swallows the earth. This one really sucks.
I could go on with this list, but with only four years left until 2012, the end is near. It?s certainly here for this entry...
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* “The Fly”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10:40 am flash bulletin! I’ve just been informed that we somehow actually got Springsteen tickets for March 10th. Can’t wait!
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