I was talking to my friend Kelly the other day when the subject of Hubris came up.

Hubris - excessive pride that usually ends in destruction - is definitely something I don’t want to be infected with. I’ve got enough on my hands already. Regardless of the risk that I may be infected by my own sense of self importance, I’ll be candid with you; I It isn?t easy to write an anonymous HIV blog. How do you write about your life without writing about your life? To make matters worse, when I look in the mirror now, instead of my face all I see is this strange blue picture that looks like someone ran my head through Photoshop. It would be much simpler for me to write to you if I could just open up the old HIV closet door, march out into the street, and say ?oh yeah, that?s me, I?ve been writing this blog for POZ/AIDSMEDS, and it?s really been fun!

I?m close, but I?m not there just yet. I have family and friends who would be affected, and I have clients whose lives are in my hands. I?m also afraid.

Like or not, most of the world still looks down on us, and that hurts. So yes, you can go ahead and call me a coward., but you?d be wrong. This is a pretty bold statement to make, but I do have a plan here.

As you may have read in the first blog entry, ?28 Years to Life?, I?ve had HIV for 28 years. HIV is no picnic in the park. Had I been less fortunate over the years, if my only accomplishment was surviving, it might even be enough.

But I?ve done more. Much more. If I could share the things I?ve done in the last 28 years with the world, it would make for a great story in itself. We?re talking tabloids here. But not just yet.

As one my HIV positive friends said yesterday, there are so many amazing stories out there, so many people who have suffered so much for so long, yet still walk through the fire today, that whatever I have accomplished in my life pales by comparison. It?s downright humbling.

This is my invitation to you all. I want to read your comments. I want to smile and laugh and cry at all of the incredible things we have done, and the astonishing stories of survival and spirit that make us we are. Post them with your own name or post them with another one. It doesn’t matter.

The rest of the world almost deserves to know. We can talk about me some other time. Right now I think I’m in love with you.




*Illustration by unknown painter, deceased.