I am one who hates to give up and I try to encourage others not to give up when life tends to throw a few curves our way. But I admit defeat this time. I give up on trying to find love or a man who understands me. It seems that I always find the wrong man or a man who says he loves me, but his actions say different.

I know that I am supposed to learn from past mistakes and move on. I usually do learn and have no problem moving on. I even take what I consider to be breaks. My last break lasted two years when I ended it with my ex. It didn’t end because I decided to disclose, but for other reasons. When I ended it, I didn’t rush to be with someone else or rebound. I remained single. I took those 2 years to contemplate on what I really wanted in a person or out of a relationship. I evaluated myself. I looked long and hard within myself to see what things I needed to work on. I knew I wasn’t perfect but maybe I expect too much from a person. But to me, what I expected from a person were the same things I would be willing to give myself. Is that so wrong?

People in my little circle seem to admire me for being strong and independent. I admire those things about myself as well, but it also seems having those traits still left me being very alone. Those traits, along with my unconditional love and strong sense of loyalty, you would think I would be a catch. Instead, I feel like I don’t belong. My love and loyalty is either never appreciated or else taken for granted. And even though my exterior may appear to be tough, in the inside I feel the air has been taken from me. I feel crushed.

Often when I feel like I don’t fit in, I try to adapt. It never lasts very long because I am not happy when I can’t be myself. There are times when I just want to yell, “Isn’t there anyone out there who believes in love? Not just love in the physical aspect but loving from the soul.” Is there anyone out there... like me?