SEX. It may be the most complicated three letter word in the English language. Sex, and the pursuit of it, causes more people more problems than any other human need besides food, shelter and a reliable broadband connection. That fact is not, as they say, rocket science.

Having any STD complicates sex. It brings another, dark dimension into doing what comes naturally. We seek out others who have the same STD because it means that we won?t have to won?t have to worry about what?s behind door number one.

But while sharing the same STD is a terrific sexual lubricant, it isn?t the basis for a lasting bond, and too many of us ignore this obvious truism. We peruse the personals here at Poz Personals and on other internet dating sites, hoping that we?ll find someone else with HIV (or whatever other viral acronym,) to connect with. Well, take it from me, that ?aint the answer.

I?ve been married to a wonderful woman for more than twenty years. She happens to be HIV negative, and while our sero-discordancy has certainly caused issues, our marriage has endured in spite of them. Sex may get you into a relationship, but it won?t keep you in one that has any meaning to it.

What keeps two human beings in a long-term relationship are common goals and interests. For most of us, those goals and interests are simple enough to understand; for others, it may be more complex, but ultimately, any meaningful LTR is always based on compatible goals and interests, and not just a few hours of physical pleasure.

As I said, none of this is rocket science. We all understand it. But too often, we forget. We forget, or choose not to think about it, because our sexual needs can overwhelm us.

HIV has certainly complicated my sex life over the years, and because matters of sexual intimacy (in my humble opinion, anyway) shouldn?t be shared with the general public, you won?t be reading any salacious details in this post. Suffice it to say that some of us do what we have to do in order to maintain the emotional health that HIV all often too eats away at, and therein lies the rub: when two people have the kind of sexual intimacy that leaves both of them feeling joyful in the moment, we usually wind up wanting more. So if you are going to fool around with someone, make sure that you both know the risks. Talk about it. Set boundaries. Make sure you both understand exactly what it is you are looking for before you jump in, or someone will get hurt.

And tell them Dr. Phil did NOT send you.