I’ve officially cancelled my membership to Cold’s Gym. To do so, you have to write a letter and send it by certified mail. This is what I sent:

August 16, 2006

Dear Gold?s Gym,

I am formally requesting via certified mail that my membership be cancelled.

Though your new location was closer to my residence than the old one, a general state of sloth/malaise?which has plagued generations of my family?prevented me from taking full advantage of your services.

Shawn Decker
Author of MY PET VIRUS