This past weekend marked the fourteenth anniversary of the day in 1993 when Vinny and I met and were randomly assigned to work together at a Marianne Williamson HIV support group in New York City. And those 14 years together were lived with AIDS, so there should be a multiplier, like there is for dog years. Although we’ve both had to face so many life-and-death obstacles which at the time really sucked, being told that we really don’t have too much more time alive together has made us seize the day and take that extra effort to makes those moments special. And all those quality moments add up to lots of happy years of lives well lived.

Hell, Vinny lived for four years with home hospice care and “only weeks to live” and still isn’t dead yet either. Taking turns at being caregiver helps, but of course there are those times when we both need to be taken care of, and Troika does the best she can (being a dog and all). Actually, when one of us is sick, Troika really does act like a mother caring for a sick puppy with licks on what hurts and snuggling up or standing guard nearby in her Sphinx-like guard posture.

Unfortunately, being on Pegasys/Ribavirin means that Troika spends altogether too many days staying close by me. In 1995, we had a big wedding with 125 guests in the garden of my brother’s Wilton, CT home and were married by my brother’s Rabbi, Chuck Lippman, who insisted that he wouldn’t do a “civil union” ceremony, only a wedding. Pretty revolutionary for those days.

Vinny and I wrote our vows together in Strawberry Fields in Central Park and had them made into a wedding Ketubah or contract that all our family, friends and other wedding guests signed. In the Quaker tradition that a couple isn’t married under the authority of a church or state, but under the care and stewardship of those attending. This seemed particularly appropriate for a gay wedding in 1995. We even got a congratulatory note from note from President & Mrs. Clinton.

In 2000, I had made the required small donation to the Vatican to purchase a blessing. I expected to be turned down, so I could protest. Instead we got a hand-calligraphied blessing on our fifth anniversary from Pope John Paul II. You can see photos of all this stuff at markandvinny.com/Wedding.

In 2003, after two years of hospice care for Vinny, we renewed our vows with the hospice chaplain, who happened to be a Catholic Priest, Father Cesar Espinoda. Finally, in 2005, we got married legally in Provincetown, MA at the Universalist Meeting House by Rev. Alison Hyder. With all those multi-cultural marriages and anniversaries, you can see why we choose to celebrate the day we met. Vinny’s said that he won’t marry me again until we can do it in a way that’s Federally legal The photo above is Mark (left), Troika (middle) and Vinny (right) with 15 Calla Lilies (my favorite flower, 14 + 1 to grown on). The painting behind us is my Great-Great-Grandfather, Benjamin de Solla (1816 - 1894) who was a Professor of Music at the Guild Hall in London.