With all the bitching and moaning I have been doing lately, I thought I would take the time to distract everyone and talk about my virus. Or why I don’t talk about it. I am sure there are a few of you wondering about that considering it is suppose to be a poz blog and my fellow bloggers seem to talk about it in every entry.

My virus and I have been together for going on eleven years this year. I just started meds September of last year and within a month I was undetectable. But for ten years, me and my virus kind of co-existed without any problems. Not sure why that is, could be I have a mild strain or maybe genetics, who knows but I do consider myself to be more blessed than lucky. And how I look at it, if there isn’t anything going on why bitch. But don’t get it twisted, my virus does let me know it’s still around with an occasional bout of something or other. Nothing really major like an OI. The worst for me at the moment seems to be thrush for which I am taking Dapsone but hopefully by my next appointment I’ll be taken off of it. Physically I have been fine in regard to my virus. If anything, my diabetes (which I’ve only had a few years and am on pills for that) gives me more hell than my virus.

If I had to comment on how my virus has affected me, I would say it has been more emotional than physical. All of us pozzies knows the stages....denial, being ashamed, feeling dirty, asking what have I done to deserve this and the list goes on. Not to say I am over it, every now and again one of those stages still hits me----loneliness(sp?) Wanting to be with someone but afraid of the rejection because of the countless times I have been rejected.

Til this day, I have not found the solution but support and it has helped me. I still don’t have the support of my family, they kind of ignore it until they want to use it against me(my sisters). My son, he accepts me and I guess I am the perfect example of why you should wear a condom. He hasn’t said this but it’s merely how I look at it. It doesn’t bother me in the least, I want my son to learn from my mistakes. He keeps his johnson wrapped up and I am proud. When he has questions about stds, he comes to me for answers. Nothing is out of bounds between us.

My biggest support has been the forums. Despite the drama, there are good people there and knowledge. Even this blog has been a form of support to me also. It let’s me put my feelings out there instead of keeping them bottled in which I have done for ten years. Trust me, it’s good to let some of the shit go.