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oh wow this was a great article.i am 23 years old and was born with the virus and i feel the same way.i get too scared to ever tell anyone because of the way they will take it.will they walk out the door or will they stay? i always think they will probably just walk out the door. i mean if you didnt have it and someone told you they did.would you stay??
I understand trully. But in my case, I am a lesbian so life for me is heartbreaking on a day to day when it comes to finding love. Its a constant let down but you have to continue to live even if its alone. Even being undetectable does not matter, the stigma of you being a nasty person is still hanging over your head like a neon sign. My heart is bleeding for you and keep your head up.
Relationships have issues whether you are positive, negative, male, female, other, or just unaware of your status. This month is the 10th anniversary of my HIV diagnosis. I am a middle-aged Black gay male. 2 years ago, I met another Black gay male almost 20 years younger than I. This person was ready to engage in sexual intimacies--even higher-risk activities. Due to my status, I refrained from engaging in higher-risk activities with the younger man. Shortly after our meeting, I made a status disclosure to the younger man. I was surprised, actually sort of shocked, when my status disclosure compelled the younger man to disclose that he also was living with the virus. Once, our disclosures had been made, we were able to engage in safer same-sex sexual activities. Higher-risk activities were engaged in with an accurate knowledge of what the consequences could be. Despite what some bloggers may personally believe, HIV is no easier for gay males than it is for anyone else. Living with HIV causes interpersonal and intrapersonal dilemmas for everyone living in this world be they black, white, asian, Native American,hetero, homo or otherwise. For me, the best course has been honest up-front disclosure before engaging in activities that could lead to transmission of the virus.
Thank you for your story, I just got diagnosed pos. and I'm in a mental tailspin, I'm not sure who or what I am. I've struggled with my Penis size my whole life, even with kids and all that, I do the bookstore & theater thing, because of my insecurity, Now I feel like if I found a nice woman, you know, even the thought of a relationship, (where the hell can this go?)I don't want someone I care about to get this BS, plus what do I say? hi wanna die with me? there is a woman I absolutely adore, damn it I'm stupid, why did I do what I did, oh god. sry got to go
Well darlings I have to say that being HIV + is much easier for gay men than for straight men or women..in the straight set their are so many rules between men and women and courting and stuff..I pity straight guys all the crap women put them thru to get into their beds..a woman who makes it easy for a man is a slut..well honey in the gay world we make it easy for the boyz...i guess thats why aids spread so quickly in the gay community. I was a terrible "slut" but I didnt get Hiv til I was 58..Im now 64 and have a partner of 32 years..he's hiv - because we didnt have sex for about 15 years(while i was running around behind his back)..he loved me enough to stay with me though which is WONDERFUL and I know I dont deserve it..or do I??? To be honest I havent had sex now since 2004..once you get that monkey off your back..its so easy to just do your own thing and ignore it..my partner and I still love each other and we cuddle every night but here's the kicker.my hiv doc told me the only safe sex is mutual masterbation. everything else has some risk to it...anyway..Im happy...healthy (I had to deal with aids and lymphoma at the same time)and have second chance at life..and believe me Im living everyday as though it were my last...sex...can be the death of ya....
I so loved all the above post about disclosure. I have been positive since 1993 and disclosure has always been an issue. I tell right up front and I feel it helps me avoid those who really dont want to deal with HIV/AIDS issue or those who are uneducated and wish to remain so. I did once find a man who was not positive and he accepted my status we protected and had a great relationship sex wise for 5 years..we did break up but he is still negative and HIV was not the issue that ended us. Since then I have had a few encounters with exes who accepted my status and we protected but no relationship came from it. Im holding out now for a relationship. I was dating in January 2011, told new man everything right up front, he stated not a problem. I gave him over a few weeks educational information so he could see risks etc and make an educated desision not just trust what I said.I gave him information about how people may tell him not to date me due to my status..or if we did break up women may not want to date him if he was sexual with me. I said this has happened to others in the past and just wanted him to have all pros and cons up front so no surprises for him later. Over several weeks he said all he has learned it still was not an issue to him and we could more to next level of relationship. I asked him to re-read information and then when we went away for valentines day as planned we could take that step if he was in inclinded to do so. I said Ijust wanted to make sure he was ready as to make love ot him then have him change his mind about issue would be so hard for me. He agreed. We went to an event in my community together where those we knew saw we were a couple..many of those people know my status. Four days later he broke up with me in a voice mail and we h ave not talked other that say hi to each other since then..his choice. They seem to leave more often than not..it hurts,rejection is never easy and disclosure never gets easier. I dont act like a victum when I tell my status and I dont settle for someone just because they accept my status either. Ive tried POz online dating sites as well and seem to find many still want just sex and not true relationships..just games. I still feel I deserve the best in life and in relationships and will never settle for less than love.passion and mutual respect from a partner positive or not. I say to all keep being honest to yourself and others and place the outcome in Gods hands. Only the best in life to you all. My motto is: Tell people to Protect themselfs and then they wont have to deal with Managing HIV/AIDS.
Your blog really hit home with me. Though, I more than lucked out with my first disclosure. It was one of the scariest things I ever had to do. I ended up marrying the man I disclosed to, and having a beautiful baby girl with him!! So NEVER give up. I definitely don't fit the stereotype, even my first infectious disease doc didn't quite know what to do with me. So I found an awesome one that didn't make me feel uncomfortable. My husband is negative, as is my baby girl. When I found out I was positive, I joined a group of HIV positive gay men. I felt I had more I common with them than the other groups. The guys were wonderful, they saved my life. Good luck to you. Don't let one guy get you down. He wasn't the one for you. Clearly.
Social Worker
Hello Everyone, I'm not HIV positive, but I work with the population. I too feel that the stigma is the work part of the virus. I think that the original deliverance called the stigma because medical professional wasn't sure what was claiming the lives of many at such a rapid pace. I think that if we could change the original deliverance, we could change the ignorance. I think if that negative stigma wasn't attached people would be less afraid to disclose their status; in turn, minimize the spread of the virus. That is why we need to strategize and formulate a plan of action that focus of eradicating the stigma.
March 8, 2013