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Peter... Your story is inspiring! I am HIV-, but had a major scare about two years ago (haven't really bounced back). I was dating this amazing guy. He was the picture of beauty and health -- probably one of the most attractive guys I've ever seen. But our connection was more than that -- he understood me and I him -- or so I thought. It was truly a meeting of chance... I was partying with some friends... our night took us through three cities before we ended up at a club in Baton Rouge. I remember walking in the door, the dance floor was crowded with wall to wall people... And there he was, this guy who was just amazing looking! I never thought he was thinking the same thing about me... until later that night, when I lost my friends, and there he was right in front of me... introducing himself. He said I never do this but I had to meet you. I felt special... and just danced with him the entire night. Soon the bar was closing... and my friends proceed to tell me we are going to New Orleans to continue the party... my mystery date... says we'll follow you guys -- he's riding with me. That night was a full moon... and we talked all the way there. We had so much in common. Needless to say it was a beautiful night... we had the best time. After about four weeks into the relationship we became intimate and had unprotected sex. I told him he needed a condom and he just blurted out "I can't do this -- I'm positive!" Of course in denial... I said positive about what? Needless to say I was in a state of shock... He was upset. I don't know why, but for whatever reason I wasn't angry... but instead I was sad for him because he was crying. Basically said he was sorry that he didn't tell me and that he never meant to hurt me. So I held him all night as he cried and told me his story... apparently someone didn't tell him. I'll never forget that night. Anyway to make a long story short... this was all around flu season... and I of course got a bad case of the flu that I couldn't shake off. I started doing all kinds of research about HIV/AIDs and could not believe I was so naive. I was a wreck for a long time... thought I had all the symptoms and had convinced myself that I was sick. It wasn't until I got tested that I was somewhat relieved after three months... but then went back twice after that. It's now been two years... I've yet to be able to be with anyone and haven't really talked about. However, I continue to educate myself. I just wanted you to know that I enjoyed reading your blog. B
Thanks Peter. So many memories that come back to us all with your post. It is important to look back and remember those feelings that were so unimaginable at the time. I had left SF,CA in 1987 to live a more suburban life outside of the city. To escape maybe? Two dear friends had just moved to Hawaii, and upon discovering KS lesions on one of the guy's leg, they needed a place to stay upon their immediate return to the SF Bay area. A few days later, after some deep converstion with the affected guy, I decided to face reality, and do "The Test". Fully expecting to be negative, I remember fully the date, time of day, weather, and disbelief at the pos results. That was 20 years ago! I prayed to live at least until 40. We are living an unimaginable future. You have always been an inspiration to my form of activism, which I believe has helped me greatly. Thank You!
Now you made ME cry! Beautiful comment -- thank you for posting it. I'm sure many of our POZ blog readers will appreciate knowing your perspective, and that you are happy and in love again. I think this is the first time I've heard you explain our break-up. Your honesty means a lot to me -- thank you. I've never, never blamed you for it. It was an incredibly hard time for both of us, but also a wonderful time, and I have absolutely no regrets. Love, Peter
My sweet and still beautiful Peter, I cried as I was reading your blog entry because I remember everything so vividly. Us meeting in Amsterdam and falling in love, and me coming to New York to see if we could start a life together. AIDS was still a mysterious desease in the US and articles in the newspapers were done somewhere on page 8. You introduced me to the wonderful city of New York (i had never been there before) and I truly felt like a JAP (Jewish Amsterdam Prince) with you. Taking me out for dinner almost every night, taking me to musicals and plays, taking me to Florida and sailing in Tahiti and introducing me to your friends and family. It was also the first time in my life I saw people with AIDS and people dying of AIDS. I still remember us sitting on the sofa and watching the movie 'An early frost'. I did not know what AIDS was exactly,(ignorant european) but got nerveous when i heard the main character cough exactly like you did. I told you to see a doctor because your 'cold' just did not go away. I promised to never leave you because of AIDS... We made plans for you to move to Amsterdam, and when that failed, to enroll me into NYU or CUNY and study in NYC. But, I got more and more scared of all the people and friends dying around us and so I fled back to Europe hoping that AIDS and all the horror that came with it would stay behind in the US. Breaking up with you (while still in love), was the hardest thing I had ever done. The picture is very pretty as are all the memories I have of you and our friendship. I admire your power and determination and am proud of you. Almost 23 years later we are still friends, we both have great partners and we are both in excellent health. (easier for me as I am HIV-) I love you..
Thanks for all you have done for our community.
What a poignant introduction this is to your blogging, Peter. Just recently I was thinking how of course we took everything pretty much for granted in the world as it was B. H.I.V. And of those alive now who are too young and have never known such a time. I also can't help acknowledg how much you have accomplished and contributed in the years since you stood on that bridge, Peter. Love, Andy
Your posting was beautiful and a very smooth read. It reminded me of my great love back when I was 30, with a French boy - I say boy because he was only 21. We met in NYC and only realized we were in love when we had to part. It's quite a love story that went on for six months at a time while he was training at the Four Seasons here in New York and then returning to school in Switzerland. He graduated and moved to New York to be with me only to be drafted by the French army several months later. My career was just taking off and his just beginning after his stay in the army. He never returned, but we remain friends to this day. My innocence was lost back then. We were two beautiful boys who were in love and too practical to follow our hearts and followed our jobs. How foolish. Today I realize that love is just so much more important than a career. I just wanted to share that with you. My heart was unnecessarily broken back then. Ten years later I was diagnosed with "ARC" and today I'm the healthiest I've ever been since that diagnosis. Probably because of fighters like you and Larry Cramer who pushed for better drugs and faster approvals. So I thank you for your blog and for the incredible work you've accomplished as well.
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This was a beautiful post. As a 22 year "survivor" here, I thank you for sharing.
May 17, 2018 • Miami