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Well I do believe your "wise" and I guess I'll suck it up and come back for more. Hoping my feelings don't get whacked in the process. ;) Scott
You know Steve I simply write from my heart and my head and certainly do not want to isolate anyone who may benefit from my "wisdom" (HA!) However, I simply write what I feel and don't sensor myself and most likely never will. I write like I talk to patients actually. If I am pissed I will say so. Hope people can read through my sometimes off putting style but I have NO plans on changing it.
Richard, I really do appreciate your candor and telling it like is attitude. But when it;s tempered with so much grandiosity (especially from an addict-believe me I know) it's hard to know what is the truth and what is the cover of defense. Please don't assume that we are all going to say "fuck you" with every suggestion you have. I understand wanting to start with an impression, but you may be isolating alot of people who could use your words of wisdom. Especially with HIV as it relates to addiction. I would suggest NOT sugar coating, but also not assuming the worst of people. best, Scott
Feeling isolated and wanting the false reassurance of raw fucking in place of love and acceptance is not unusual. When I think back to my "bad old days" all I really was doing was letting my life run away from me which allowed my disease of addiction to take center stage. Try to see your sexual behavior like an opportunistic infection (OI) if you will. OIs sneak into our bodies when our immune systems are down and TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE US SICK. This is exactly what addiction does. It is a very determined demon and will wait to you are worn down before it pounces. So keep on protecting yourself just like you would if you were taking meds to prevent an OI. Go to counseling, find a support group, and mainly know fucking is not the same thing as making love.
Richard, I am not much into reading blogs of any kind. I simply read the news and somtimes journals... and books. But I got tired of what I heard from such sources, friends and acquaintances living with HIV. One friend has been great though. Anyway, I have very much enjoyed reading your blogs so far. Your work as a HIV/AIDS sepcialist and personal trainer, as well as somebody living with HIV enriches your writing on the subject of living with HIV. Your other interests are great as well. I have never used any illicit drugs (besides second hand smoke pot [ex])... but I occasionally drink wine. But I have had instances of addictive behavior, such as sexual addict. I have thought about fucking raw to oblivion. I fear the future as I feel inscure about my self. But I have taken steps toward taking better care of myself. Diet, exercise, routine, work, friends, family, my dog have been supportive and keeping me intact. You are informative, realist, and darkly humorous... I look forward to reading more of your blogs. Thank you.
Hey Steven...you are POPULAR with me and I agree with you. I just read a study in the Journal of the Association of Nurses in AIDS Care (great issue BTW) on why gay men are fatigued about safer sex and such that made some interesting points. This is a real issue. Let me be the first one to say it and then run for cover. Safer sex stinks. (But there is more to sex than rubbers and we also need to talk about relationships and get away from just fucking.) But it doesn't have to and we need to find ways of scientifically getting rid of the condom. Take the "excitement" out of barebacking and such. But remember when I was playing wild I was an ACTIVE meth head and drunk. Once you go down that road all bets are off, and "common sense" flies off your radar screen. Simple as that. Your "higher power" becomes meth. It is tragic.
Richard, I don’t want to waste editorial space or readers’ time in pursuit of petty issues. When I asked what you meant by “raunchy sex” it was to clarify which risks to treatment failure you took and balance them against the efficacy of your 13-year cocktail (and its culpability in kicking you in the ass). I wasn’t driven by some overarching interest in penises or the verboten. I know that’s exceptional, and understand why you are so quick to assume or accuse. Indeed, a huge segment of the gay male populace’s indiscriminate dedication to penises and unhealthy sex is what’s kicking so much of society in the ass. Thanks, Steven (who isn’t at all popular for pointing that out)
Ric Ferri
Well, I am actually more concerned that you even think I am "wise"! The only thing I whack anymore...or forget it..cheap shot!
January 24, 2009