In retirement

Sen. Jesse Helms

“I’ve never met Helms, but since he’s put so much energy into making my life difficult, I think I have the right to hate him. I wish I had the right to kill him. I don’t think I’m clever enough to escape so I have to be prepared to spend the rest of my life in jail: Sick enough to not have much to lose, strong enough to ensure my success. If I’m blind from CMV, I’d have a hard time getting him in the line of sight. Maybe wiring myself to a bomb would make more sense. But then I wouldn’t be around to watch the aftermath. HIV is a terrorist’s bomb lurking in my body, and I never know when it’s going to blow something up. And Jesse Helms is the one who keeps trying to light the fuse.”