Hey folks, long time no blog.

Yes, the job is to blame. Well, ok, so I’m to blame too, but believe you me, it’s entirely mutual. (Ah, Mutual of Omaha. Does anyone else remember Wild Kingdom?)

My bloglessness might also have something to do with the way my mind wanders sometimes....

*waves hands in an airy fashion*

(Hehehe, my spell checker just suggested bloodlessness. No-no-no - that was the other day after I left the clinic. M’blood’s all topped up today, thank you very much.)

I’ve worked full time now for a total of six weeks. Last I worked full time was in February 2001. I think many people underestimate the effects of going back into a full time work force after having been off work for an extended period of time through ill health. Societal peer pressure dictates that someone who has regained their health should give up public moneys and earn their own income, but where is the support - why is the need for such support not apparent? But I digress; this wasn’t meant to be a rant. Suffice it to say that while I’ve been very well supported in my endeavour to return to full time employment, I am very much aware that many others are not so lucky.

The transition has been a challenge. Up until a week or so ago, I thought I was still suffering from the effects of fatigue due to my new schedule. While this was true in the beginning, after much soul-searching I realised what was really troubling me - a lack of solitude. I love my solitude. During the four years I was off work, I had plenty of time on my own then suddenly I was surrounded by people all day. The time I did have on my own, I spent fretting about when I would next be required to be in the company of others. The nature of my job and the training I’m doing means that I am often left emotionally and mentally exhausted and so my ’me’ time is very important. Now that I’ve realised what the problem is, I’m making some headway into solving it. Everything in my life right now is about balance. There’s work, study, motherhood, time for my partner, my health concerns (finding the time to eat right and getting enough rest), spiritual practice - and let’s not forget recreation. All work and no play makes Ann a boring crabass.

(LOL, there goes the spell checker again. This time it suggested carcass. Ok, let’s go with that. All work and no play makes Ann a boring carcass. Hehehe!)

One thing that I’m finding difficult to reconcile is the fact that I don’t have the time to spend on the forum that I used to. I’m also slipping behind in my personal correspondence, some of it with forum members. This has proved to be the most frustrating aspect of going back to work. The forum has been the mainstay of my existence for four years now and I miss it terribly. I still find the time to read through most of the threads, but finding the energy to post is another matter entirely and I feel guilty about that. Yes, I know, it’s a waste of energy to feel that way but there you have it. I suppose this is a good place to mention that I feel eternally grateful for those of you who are taking the time to reach out to new members, making them feel welcome and passing on information. It makes me feel a little less guilty when I don’t have the time or energy to do my bit.

Because my lack of forum - and blog - time is something that is bothering me quite a bit, it’s one of the things I’m actively working on changing. So far I’ve only taken baby steps and I’ve had a set-back in the form of a yucky head cold, but I’m working on things like scheduling my time more effectively and being less long winded when I do post. I’ve also put in a word with the Cosmos about a thirty-two hour day but so far, the Cosmos hasn’t gotten back to me on that one.

But you know what? In the final analysis, I’m happy. I’m content. I’m looking forward to the Future, making plans that I never thought possible four years ago. Yes, that’s Future with a capital EFF, as in the long range Future, the one that many people don’t think those of us with HIV should worry our pretty little heads about. Now if I could just find time for everything....