I suppose some of you may be wondering where the heck I’ve been lately. Well, rest assured I haven’t fallen off The Rock and I haven’t disappeared up my own arse - I’ve just gone back to work.

I was signed off when I was diagnosed with HIV back in February 2001. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the UK system, that means I was given a piece of paper which said I was unfit for work and was thus legally entitled to collect incapacity benefit. I wasn’t signed off so much because of HIV, but more because the HIV had kick-started my already existent Hep C infection into symptomatic high gear.

In April of 2002 I began 52 weeks of Peg-Intron therapy for Hep C. It was a year of hell but well worth it because my HCV viral load went undetectable by week ten and has stayed that way ever since... which is pretty much considered a cure. It took quite a while for the side effects to subside but by November 2003 I felt fit enough to apply for a part-time job with a local drug advice charity.

I requested a preliminary informal interview with the manager. I intended to disclose my medical history because if my HIV or Hep C status was going to be a problem, I didn’t want to work there. Some of you may be blinking in amazement at my approach, but let me tell you that it was exactly the right thing to do. Not only did I get the job, but my boss has been extremely supportive and accommodating. I started working a mere five hours a week under a long-term incapacity permitted hours work scheme in December 2003 and I’ve also been doing various training courses during this time.

I always knew there was a chance that the job could turn into a full-time position when funding and our work load permitted, but I was surprised when my boss asked me in November if I could start full-time in December. My first reaction was elation... at last I could get off benefits and stop living hand-to-mouth. My second reaction was panic. How on earth could I go from five hours straight into full-time without short-circuiting and putting my health and sanity in jeopardy? I discussed my concerns with my boss and she agreed to let me take the month of December to ease into it, so I’ve been going in every morning and doing four hours. I’m still only getting paid for five hours a week and the other fifteen are considered volunteer work... this takes the pressure off me as I can leave - or not come in - as necessary to maintain my health.

I was prepared for the transition to be somewhat unsettling, but I’ve been surprised at just how difficult it’s been. By the end of the first week I was questioning whether or not I was doing the right thing as I couldn’t believe how tired I was. By the end of the second week I was suffering from headaches nearly every day but decided to grit my teeth and keep on. I’ve taken today off - half way through the third week - so I can get some work done on a training course assignment that’s due next Wednesday. I’m still finding it challenging to keep up the pace but it is getting easier. Although I’m still more tired than usual, I haven’t had a headache since last Saturday (touch wood!).

Aside from the obvious financial incentive to keep at it and make it work, what really gets me out of bed in the morning is the fact that I enjoy the job. It’s a job I can believe in. We make up-to-date information about drugs available to the public, including harm-reduction strategies. We work with people of all ages and from all walks of life. We offer support not only to people who are having problems with drug use, but also to any family or friends who may be affected by a loved one’s use. Our service is free, non-judgemental and totally confidential.

Having this job also means that I’m well placed to raise awareness of blood-borne viruses and how they are - and are not - transmitted and how people can protect themselves. It’s my foot in the door of the local Establishment - I’m meeting people and making contacts that can help me to realise my dream of improved local services for people who are already infected or affected by one or more of these viruses.

I want to do everything all at once, but these last few weeks have shown me that I’ve got to take my time. Right now my number one priority is to get to the point where I can do the job I’m paid for and still have energy left over for other things. Once I get to that stage, I will begin in earnest the work I want to do towards improving local services for people with HIV and/or Hep C. Right now I have to concentrate on my nine-to-five because after all, that’s what is making the rest of it possible for the future.

I miss being active in the Forum, but I do visit whenever I get the chance. When I’m used to my new schedule, I’m sure I’ll be around and posting more often. I’ll keep you all informed of my progress here in my blog. I’m hoping to upgrade to broadband sometime in the New Year and that will make life a lot easier too. Sometimes I feel like I’m wasting valuable sleeping time while waiting for pages to download. In fact, I actually fell asleep at my desk the other night while downloading a particularly long-winded thread in Fears of! (It was the barebacking thread. I wonder, has Malibu read that thread?)

I’ll be officially starting full-time hours on January 10th. I have to admit that it’s a little scary, but as the saying goes, feel the fear and do it anyway! I know I’ll always regret it if I don’t try.