As of late, my mind has been on HIV more than it normally is. Not because something is going on with my health, actually that area of my life is doing quite well except for a pinched nerve in my shoulder. But due to the lack of support here in my town for people with HIV. Don’t get me wrong, my ASO is doing all they can and they have truly been a lifeline for me. I have come to realize that they can’t do it alone.

I sat in on an advisory meeting today that kind of took my breath away. I had heard about these meetings before but today’s meeting was the first time that people actually showed up other than those who plan the meetings. I listened to their stories which pulled at my heart but couldn’t help but notice that other than myself there was only one other poz woman there. And that in itself was saying something. Both of us had something in common---betrayal by family. And we both were excited by the other for our own reasons, hers I think was because another woman showed up who was indeed like her. I, myself was excited by what we had in common but it opened my eyes to really see that I am needed. And I thought if this woman can make meetings without fear then why can’t I?

While the meeting was going on, I was talking to a lovely lady who I will call M. I explained to her that I would like to help those who are newly diagnosed and women. I only wished back in ’97 when I was diagnosed that I had someone to talk to who could relate to what I was feeling at that time. I know that the case managers at my ASO do what they can but being a woman and poz, I just feel like that in itself will make a little bit of a difference. Because when you are new to this virus and have a case manager, sometimes a newly diagnosed person can feel like the case manager is going through the motions or only do it because it is their job. I am not saying the case managers are like that, I know they are not but it took me awhile to see that they weren’t. And sometimes it is easier to open up to someone who can relate to what you are going through. I feel that no one should have to go through this journey alone.

And my favorite saying is, “If I can reach out to just one person”. I think I have done that with my blog and will continue to keep blogging. But I just think it will mean so much more if I can reach out to someone in my own community. I am hoping that my ASO will take me seriously in this and make me a Peer Advocate.

I’m not wanting to do this for any selfish reason or to put myself on a pedistool. Just after being a part of this meeting today, I can really see that I am needed. And the most important thing is that I want to help.