It is not often when I can say, “Today was a good day” but that is how I am feeling. Since I have begun my ritual of getting up early every day now, I have begun to see the beauty in things as well as the ugliness in some people. I try to analyze the ugliness of people, try to realize why I didn’t notice it before and then just ignore it altogether. I refuse to let it affect me. But I am also learning to appreciate the beauty in things instead of just taking it for granted. And through the eyes of others I think I am needed. None of this probably makes sense now but I hope to clarify it all.

I will begin with the beauty in things. During the last year I felt disconnected from just about everything except my blogging. I always felt that there would be at least one person who read it that could actually relate to what I talk about. And by discussing my issues, that person may be able to find some sort of support. It has come to my attention that my blog is getting noticed and supported here at home. At first, I was not sure how to feel about that because I always kept my status on the down low and I still do. But the difference being when I kept it on the down low before, it was actually because I was ashamed of what people would think. Now, I really don’t care what people think, it’s about my privacy but at the same time I want people to know, if it will help someone. There has been so much misery in the past because of me having this virus. I want to destroy that memory and create a better one.

Earlier today while with a poz friend, we stopped at our ASO. After taking care of my business there, a case manager asked me if I would be interested in joining a women’s group she plans on getting started. I think she may have been reading my blog but I don’t know for sure. I think she feels that I have a lot to offer her group. At first the old instinct kicked in and I felt kind of defensive. But on the way home, I thought about it more and more. If I can sit here and blog for millions to see, what is a group of seven? I guess I can say I am considering it, though I think I need to discuss it with my husband. Not really my husband but a gay friend and we put on the charade of being married. Who also reads my blogs so after seeing this entry I am guaranteed to get a call...*wink*

Last but not least, the ugliness, this part is kind of personal because it was two people who I thought were my friends. But instead have become haters due to their jealousy and lies. I won’t go into the details of it. I’m glad that things came to light when they did. At first, I was upset about it but then figured why give them the satisfaction. All they want to do is get attention and cause drama. If that’s what they need in their lives in order for it to have meaning, all I can do is wish them well and separate myself from the madness.