IT’S RESOLUTION TIME AGAIN! - I’ll go on a diet, I’ll lose 30 pounds, I’ll stop smoking, etc. (none of which relate to my set of circumstances.) Resolutions remind me of Lent (I was brought up Roman Catholic,) religion remind me of lemming-like behavior, hence resolve = cult. VERY BAD. Resolutions don’t work, passion and patience does. Presently, I’ll doing quit well health wise (T-cell 507, and viral load at in lowest ever,) financially not so great (my Medicare dough-nut hole is waiting in the wings.) Four years ago I was desperately seeking a liver transplant, when I suffered a stroke, but money was plentiful in those days, living with my, now, ex-boyfriend in a Chelsea duplex penthouse. I felt like the stroke had pulled the rug out from under me, which it did. Two years of cognition, speech, and physical therapy, yada yada yada. If it isn’t one thing it’s another. Passion for life is key, my friends and family are counting on me to survive, and I still have so much more to learn and do. Patience is also essential, but as a gay man in my last 30’s, living in Manhattan, and trying to be fabulous, I’m having some trouble digesting that.

Recently, I received a comment on of one my blogs from a straight, negative guy who wrote a piece about Jim Batson. Jim died of AIDS in 1993, and in his essay Tonics for the Soul When You’re Living With AIDS, he is quoted as saying, “Don’t try to ’fight’ AIDS. Fighting presumes that there will be a winner and a loser. I have never seen anyone ’win’ a fight with AIDS. I have seen people learn to live with AIDS, to find a balance between the very real impediments of the disease and the very real life force within them.” Hmmm?it’s needs more drama, more oomph! When it comes to politics I’m the leftiest left: tax the rich, bigger government the better, no more states, etc. But when is comes to my health I transform into Dick Cheney, waterboarding the virus, and leaving it sniffling in the corner. AIDS is always lurking, hiding in the shadows, waiting to pounce, but that keep me on my feet, and alive and kicking. Madonna sums in up in this James Bond’s theme brilliantly?

I’m gonna break the cycle
I’m gonna shake up the system
I’m gonna destroy my ego
I’m gonna close my body now

I think I’ll find another way
There’s so much more to know
I guess I’ll die another day
It’s not my time to go

For every sin, I’ll have to pay
I’ve come to work, I’ve come to play
I think I’ll find another way
It’s not my time to go