I went to go see my ID doctor on Wednesday. It turned out to be a good visit. Honestly, I was expecting the worst. When I had my meltdown, I had missed taking my meds and while in the hospital, they screwed up my meds. I guess someone must be looking out for me. My cd4 climbed from 265 to 401. And this is just from starting Atripla and Ziagen back in September. So things are looking better and I am definitely happy about that. My viral load hadn’t come back yet but my doctor is assuming that it will still be undetectable.

He did however give me a tongue lashing for stopping my depression medication. But he said since I had only stopped it a few days ago that I should continue taking it. Of course, I whined about all the other pills I was taking but he was not trying to hear it. He told me that I need to keep taking it because at this point, I probably don’t have enough of the medication in my body yet for it to help with the depression. And if I don’t keep taking it more than likely I will bottom out and be back in the hospital again. I guess like my Daddy said, I have a bit of lawyer in me because I tried to argue my case anyway. My response was, “Ok, if I have to take the medicine do I still have to spill my guts to a therapist?” He then went on to say that I don’t have a problem talking to him. I wanted to say, “Well, duh, you’re my doctor, why should I have a problem talking to you?” But I didn’t want to come across as a smart ass. And if you can’t talk to your doctor then who can you talk to other than a priest? It wasn’t like I had anything to confess and even if I did, I don’t think a few Hail Marys and an Act of Contrition would make things right as rain. I would rather have my primary just give me prescriptions for the medication instead of laying on a couch. I just don’t think talking to a therapist who doesn’t have a clue what it means to be poz is going to help me much. I mean what can this person say to me? That they understand how I feel when I know damn well that they don’t. I don’t take kindly to being patronized and that’s how I would take it if they said it which would lead me to getting up and walking out. I would rather do what I have been doing and talking to those who read my blog and posting in the forums. At least I know the people who read my blog can relate and I get more support from those in the forums than any therapist could ever give me.