I guess I answered my own question from my last entry about if I was numb due to the Arbor Mist and good green. Or was it my heart? I guess it was the Arbor Mist and good green. I don’t know about it being the good green now that I think about it. I’ve been smoking all day. The tears didn’t come ?til after I had spoken to Rico tonight.

I kept myself pretty busy so I wouldn’t have time to think about him. I had been doing good too. Then the phone rang; I saw it was him calling so I picked it up. I hadn’t heard from him all day but then he calls me at 11 pm. I guess the curiosity got me. He wanted to know how I was doing and then out of no-where he says that he wants to be friends. What? Um, I ended it with him yesterday and we were friends then. He goes on to tell me how fucked up he is because someone at his job got him drunk. But he would like to come over tomorrow and talk to me. Was it ok? I said yeah but then it was like he was trying to rush me off the phone. I asked him why was he in a rush to get me off the phone? His reply was that he wasn’t rushing me but he had company. At 11pm and if so, why call me?

I know since I ended it with him, it shouldn’t bother me but then that’s when the tears came. Company after 11pm made me automatically think booty call. Then wondering who could it be? Maybe he got involved with a co-worker or maybe it’s the ex. I called back to tell him that he didn’t have to bother coming to see me, surprised again, I get his voicemail. He never turns his phone off unless he’s here... My mind is really racing right about now as I fight back the tears. I don’t know if I am more mad or hurt because I feel like I have totally been played.

And to think I was actually going to disclose to this man. I know how people feel about the issue of disclosure. And if you read my first two blogs, then you know how I feel about it too. Disclosing to him would’ve been a major step for me. I would be putting myself out there and everything. Many of you feel I should’ve disclosed in the beginning but, due to issues in Rico’s life, I didn’t. I wanted to wait for the right time. After recent events, I really am relieved that I didn’t.