As I have mentioned in past entries, I have an issue with trusting people. The reason for this is because of people burning me in the past when I put my trust in them. This just doesn’t go for past relationships but a marriage that was doomed from the beginning as well as family betrayal. And if you can’t trust your own family who can you trust? I really don’t like being this way but it has become more of a defense mechanism to me. Or as the saying goes,“You fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”

There was a topic started in the forums called, “Where are all the poz men at?” It’s been getting hits from gay men, women, and the occasional hetero guy. And it is a good question, where are they at? Being that I have pretty much turned into a hermit, I don’t see them much. I no longer do the bar scene and enjoy the comforts of being at home. And quite honestly the men in my town leave a lot to be desired. I’m not basing it on just looks but other things like personality, honesty, or whether they are just interested in sex. At first, I tried to be open minded and just go with keeping it about the sex with no strings attached. But that didn’t last long because I wanted to be more than just a piece of ass.

After giving it some thought and trying not to let the past hinder me, I decided to restart my ad on Poz Personals, updated one on OBC(also known as Online Booty Call), it is what it is, and one other one. I did the profile on OBC awhile ago too just for the record but every so often someone will hit me up. But nothing has ever come of it. I would have to say it is mainly my fault. What can I say? I lose interest when a person only hits me up with one liners and most of them usually are lame as hell.......NEXT!!!!! And what made me pull my ad on Poz Personals was when I came across a scammer and the fact that there were hardly any men that lived close enough to me to see. There was only one guy on there that could’ve been my soul mate or sometimes we both thought so about the other. But he died last November. We lost touch because of an arguement about him adhering to his meds and til this day, that still bothers me.

And this go around, I am definitely calling the shots. After what I have gone through in the past with relationships, I feel I have earned the right to. I’m not looking to get married or shack up with someone.He needs to be independent and have his own place. I’m not looking for anyone who is living with their parents. I think everyone deserves their space and I want mine. And the other person deserves to have theirs. I don’t need to be with anyone twenty-four/ seven, all I ask is that I get some time, it’s negotiable on what days. But if it is my time then nothing else should interfere with that unless it’s some type of family emergency and I am not willing to compromise when it comes to his boys. I want someone who is willing to treat me like a Queen because if I am feeling him, I would consider him, my King. And anything that I am asking, I am willing to do in return.